Monday's meeting at St. David's tends to be somewhat more religious than normal meetings, and I'm now totally used to that fact. There was a time when that would've bothered me, but as I work the steps and as I see internally as well as externally, my higher power working with me... I'm cool with it all.
Monday's topic dealt with not being able to learn from my drinking experiences. I get that now. I'm so grateful to NOT be that person anymore. I also totally get the bit about working all the steps daily. Step Four took a MASSIVE toll on my psyche. It's not easy setting out all your faults for you yourself to see. And the weird thing is that the list apparently keeps on growing. ANYHOOTS... I have indeed gained some personal insight into myself from my previous experiences. I do my morning and nightly meditations and I'm surprised at how much nicer my life is now. I'm "tentatively" working on making Step Five happen on my one weekday off on Thursday. My sponsor Lyn and I spoke on Saturday and we believe we can make it happen.
Sunday's open meeting featured a very lovely person who's been at numerous meetings. She's part of my Saturday home meetings and I'd never heard her story. She's quite a bit younger than most of us in the Saturday/Sunday meetings, and her drinking career was far more finite than most of us. I can only wish I had the brain power to realize merely four years into drinking what after-effects it would have on my life. Amanda did. Bless her heart. But it's nice to know that there are younger people out there to carry on the mantle of AA.
Saturday's home meeting was an odd one. Not many people can pull off the low cut farmer's overalls look... but Lee can. LOL. He was host. No one came up with a topic so his comment was "What part of yourself that you dislike do you miss?" (Paraphrasing there.) It was sort of steps four and six smooshed into one. I only just completed step four and now you want me to embrace one of my character flaws?! No thanks. I'm working so very hard to leave those in the past.
I don't miss any of those character flaws. I kinda like where I'm at right now. I "believe" I'm no longer as judgmental as I used to be. I'm pretty sure I've put a large portion of my ego behind me. So... why in the world would I miss any of that? I've been slowly gearing myself up for steps eight and nine... those are warming up on the on-deck circle (as they say in baseball)...
Once I get step five out of the way (so to speak)...
I know I have to continuously work them ALL every day. But I also know that I can only my best... one day at a time.
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