Heart's Still Beating A Mile A Minute

So, I nearly got rear-ended earlier this morning/afternoon.  I was on my way to a meeting that is a little out of my way, but it's a nice one regardless.  Myself, along with another person were clearly stopped at a red light when a panel van came careening down Farnsworth.  I was in the left lane and the other person was in the right.  THANK GOODNESS that for whatever reason there wasn't anybody in the left turn lane.  Had there been, this panel van would've plowed right into the back on me.


All I heard was the screeching of tires and saw in my rearview mirror this van sliding into the turn lane at the very last minute.  I looked over at the person in the right lane and we both made sure that the light was indeed red.  It was.  We then turned our attention to the van in the turn lane where the dude was giving US both the <censored> stink eye.  I pointed at the light, which was still red, and he backed off with the attitude.  (I HATE FABYAN PARKWAY!)


All I could think of was what I would've done had it been the old me.  I'd have either gotten out of the car or rolled down the window and had a few words.  I'm pretty stunned I still didn't.  The light changed and he was lucky (I guess) that he got a turn arrow at the same time we got to go forward.  He clearly didn't want to make a left turn, but decided to do so any way.  I made it to my meeting without further incident.


So, that was the early part of the day.  Overnight/this morning was odd.  I've been out of IOP for two weeks now and for whatever reason I had a dream about being in a session somewhere along the way.  I'd have forgotten about it... but someone please tell me why my late cat Gromit was also in the meeting?!  He was just wandering around the chairs while Iggy was writing something on the dry erase board.  Weird.


I took an alternate route home to see what was out there in the possible job realm, but I didn't see much of anything in the industrial parks.  At least, not anything I'm remotely qualified for.  Lots of mechanic work out there for people adept at that.  <SIGH!.>



I think my heart finally started beating again about an hour and half after that entire auto incident.
Danger averted because the Gman was checking in to let me know he had his whiskers out for me?  Hard to call.  If so... thanks G!

  

Heart's Still Beating A Mile A Minute

So, I nearly got rear-ended earlier this morning/afternoon.  I was on my way to a meeting that is a little out of my way, but it's a nice one regardless.  Myself, along with another person were clearly stopped at a red light when a panel van came careening down Farnsworth.  I was in the left lane and the other person was in the right.  THANK GOODNESS that for whatever reason there wasn't anybody in the left turn lane.  Had there been, this panel van would've plowed right into the back on me.


All I heard was the screeching of tires and saw in my rearview mirror this van sliding into the turn lane at the very last minute.  I looked over at the person in the right lane and we both made sure that the light was indeed red.  It was.  We then turned our attention to the van in the turn lane where the dude was giving US both the <censored> stink eye.  I pointed at the light, which was still red, and he backed off with the attitude.  (I HATE FABYAN PARKWAY!)


All I could think of was what I would've done had it been the old me.  I'd have either gotten out of the car or rolled down the window and had a few words.  I'm pretty stunned I still didn't.  The light changed and he was lucky (I guess) that he got a turn arrow at the same time we got to go forward.  He clearly didn't want to make a left turn, but decided to do so any way.  I made it to my meeting without further incident.


So, that was the early part of the day.  Overnight/this morning was odd.  I've been out of IOP for two weeks now and for whatever reason I had a dream about being in a session somewhere along the way.  I'd have forgotten about it... but someone please tell me why my late cat Gromit was also in the meeting?!  He was just wandering around the chairs while Iggy was writing something on the dry erase board.  Weird.


I took an alternate route home to see what was out there in the possible job realm, but I didn't see much of anything in the industrial parks.  At least, not anything I'm remotely qualified for.  Lots of mechanic work out there for people adept at that.  <SIGH!.>




I think my heart finally started beating again about an hour and half after that entire auto incident.
Danger averted because the Gman was checking in to let me know he had his whiskers out for me?  Hard to call.  If so... thanks G!

  

Another Year Older. Another Day Sober.

So, as I look back on what was my 50th year, I see that I spent a good majority of it drunk.  I'm more than happy to say that for "nearly" three of those months during 50, I spent them sober.


So, here's to 51.  May it be a damn better one than the last nine or so months, and may they be as happy and clean as the past several.


Happy Birthday to me.

70 Days Sober. Eyeballs. Captain Jack.

I've been letting the blog get away from me in recent days.  I'm usually better than this.  I will try and do better.  Promise.


I'm sorry I missed a meeting this morning, but I had an appointment with an Ophthalmologist earlier today.  I didn't need new glasses or anything, but it was an appointment my regular Doctor wanted me to have to further check for diabetes.  Had I gone to a meeting, I could've said that I was/am 70 days sober.  That's pretty cool.  What's also cool is the fact that according to the Ophthalmologist, I don't appear to have diabetes either.  At least, not in the eyes.  So that's two good things today.


The two "sort of" outweigh thee one bad thing, which are dilated pupils.  I hoped to get out of it, but that's not possible when testing for diabetes.  So, it made for an interesting drive home.  I will have to cut this entry short, as the computer monitor is burning my dilated eyeballs out.


So, till they calm down, here's a picture of Captain Jack Harkness and some puppies.  Everyone say, "Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

 

Better Late Than Never - Broadway for Orlando

I never weighed in on the Orlando shooting, but my own sobriety issues can wait for the present moment. 




This was just too lovely not to blog / share. 




I'd also be remiss if I didn't blog something using the song that my dear friend Leo Buscaglia adored and always played as he'd take the stage throughout his speaking tours.  He would've liked this!




In his honor... quite simply... hugs to all.

FERAL DOG & THE HUMMINGBIRD

SWEETEST STORY EVER!

YOU WILL NEED SOUND FOR THIS!

60 DAYS SOBER!

SIXTY DAYS SOBER!!!

YAY ME!!!!

(I also may be stepping down to After Care this upcoming week... more on this story as it develops.)

FLAVOR FLAV... GOT ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT MY 60 DAYS SOBER???

THANKS!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEF!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WOMAN THAT I LOVE AND ADORE!

I've! Been! Dry! 55!

PUT SOME DAMN PANTS ON SAMMY!!

Tuesday's list:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful for 55 days sober!  (More on that in a moment.)
2. Daily Coping Skills:  More meditation and blogging.  
3. Daily Goal:  Participate in IOP.  
4. PSA:  My life isn't perfect, but I am grateful for what I have.

As Sammy Hagar once sort of sang, "I've been dry 55... days!"  Sober for 55 days.  Yay me!


Today's IOP meeting was very interesting.  One of the younger members of the group came out and simply asked, "What are all you people bitching about?  Every day you come in here and complain about your problems.  It's all a matter of Will Power.  I have will power.  Why don't you people?"


Oh, man!  You should've seen the look on Iggy's face.  The comment came out of a smug little piece of shit who's there by court order for his marijuana use.  So Iggy asks quite simply, "So, can you tell us with a straight face that you do not think of using?  Can you tell us that in one day's time, one week's time, one month's time that you won't have a thought of using?"


The kid said, "Sure.  It's easy.  I just use my mind."


He then went on to say that his posse knows not to pass the joint over to him at parties and whatnot.  He said his girlfriend knows not to offer him any.  Yeah, that's going to work out for him.


Iggy went around the room asking the other members why they were there, and asked whether or not we were whining about our conditions and what exactly we were there for.  Suffice to say, we outnumbered him on our reasons versus his will power.  I love the fact that Iggy remembered each and every word the jerk initially said and made sure to address every line right back at him.


Iggy also reminded the punk that he and Gateway aren't there to rubberstamp his court documents and that perhaps he was in the wrong program and that he'd see to it that another program was made available.  The guy was taken out of the class towards the tail-end, but came back with some paperwork... I'm not sure precisely what it was, but I am hopeful we've seen the last of him.  An attitude like that is not needed in our class.


I'll continue on with my recovery.  I got a congratulations from the group and Iggy when discussion rolled round to me.  I said that will power made up probably less than 5% of my recovery to date.  The rest was constant work on my program, participating in the group, asking questions, attending meetings and working with other people in the same boat as myself.  The other 95% was plain hard work, pure and simple.  No one ever said sobriety was easy.  I also said that I "wished" will power was all it took.  He didn't seem to care for my answer, or anyone else's in the group.  Oh well, his loss.  Again, good luck with that will power thing.


I'll keep doing it... One Day At A Time.  (Iggy and the group sided with me on that one.  Hell, we all sided with one another on all our responses.

My Shingles-Sense Is Tingling

Monday's list:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful for another day sober today!  My wife.  My sober friends in and out of IOP.  My Shingles are starting to subside.
2. Daily Coping Skills:  Meditation and blogging.  
3. Daily Goal:  Look for a gig.  (Working on it.) 
4. PSA:  I can handle anything that comes into my life.

It's been a busy weekend of meetings, mostly.  Saturday's meeting was fun as I got to hang out with Tim and Jay, my pals from Residence.  Always nice to see them!  Tim also went in that same day for treatment on his PTSD.  I wished him well and said that if he needed to talk, just simply call.  I also got to spend a little time with my sponsor Lin.  It's his birthday this week, so I gave him a nice card.


Saturday's meeting dealt mostly with having your higher power removing your personal defects.  I'm still working on my list of defects.  I need to work on that before I can even begin to ask for help in removing them!  But overall it was a fairly decent meeting.  I was not alone in still being in the process of working on it.


We went grocery shopping afterwards and I am blaming the incredible deluge of rain Saturday afternoon that triggered a mild inflammation of my Shingles.  Stef and I were in the produce section when I said, "Someone's in trouble!"  She asked, "What?  Who?  What do you mean?"  I responded, "My Spiderbutt is tingling."  This got a laugh.  I like hearing her laugh, as she's got a great laugh and I've been returning to my normal self of dropping one-liners where appropriate for a laugh and getting them... rather than just being the laugh.


Anyway, I wasn't sure which comment was funnier, the Spiderbutt or the Shingle-Senses tingling... I'll just leave it be.


Sunday was the open meeting and first Sunday means a combo-platter of someone from Al-Anon and someone from AA.  Both speakers were really good.  It was also interesting that the Al-Anon speaker was a guy and the AA speaker was a woman.  That's usually the other way around.


Today was back at it with IOP.  New week, some new and retuning members.  It was nice to see Matt out of Residence.  He looked very well.  Sadly, he wasn't in the Men's Extension, but ended up in the co-ed group, which he said was a bit difficult.  He won't be part of our regular group, as Iggy is full up, so he's off to a different one.


We regulars weren't all too keen on this "new" process of meetings.  It's not like Iggy to ask us to fill in handouts or use clipboards.  So, we had to do that in regard to today's lesson.  It was again more about rewiring our brains to not deal with the "reward" but to work on coping skills.  We could've done that as we normally do... without clipboards... but his boss Bob was in the room monitoring, so he had to do it in the new fashion.


Back at it tomorrow morning!


One Day At A Time!

Fifty Is Nifty!

I keep meaning to blog... but Memorial Day weekend always throws me off with its shortened week.  It happens every year.  I have no idea what's up with that.  Tack on the meds I'm on for the Shingles and by the time I get home from IOP... I'm spending my time on the sofa in a semi-vegetative state.


ANYHOOTS... yesterday's IOP was odd as someone else was in charge of Iggy's group.  Jennifer from the Step Down group and Iggy switched up their groups.  Reason for that change didn't become apparent until today when Iggy announced he had given Gateway his resignation and that Jennifer would be taking over his three hour groups at the end of July.  I should be well gone by then.


That's not so cool news about Iggy leaving.  My Shingles lethargy don't help with my spirits... but what DOES help is the really cool news!  I'm 50 days sober today!  That's pretty cool news indeed!   I have a make-up session tomorrow, so I am hopeful to get back to my regularly structured format in the next day or so.  Thanks for your patience and understanding!


Fifty days!  Not too shabby at all!