YES! I AM ALIVE!

We're so short-handed at work they've had to call in reinforcements from our Joliet branch.  They find it surprising how busy we are in Aurora/Naperville.  Maybe I should've applied for that full-time position out by them after all... but I guess it doesn't matter in the end, as a number of use have become pseudo-full-time employees.  If this keeps up, I may ask for a permanent slot and the higher level of pay and insurance.  More on that as it happens.


This new schedule has put a serious damper on my meeting attendance.  Right now all I can swing are the Open Sunday and Thursday Geneva lunch meetings.  It's all well and good.  I'm not in a position to complain as things are going well.    We had quite a moving speaker at the Open Sunday meeting this past weekend.  I'm normally not a huge fan of people who have multiple abuse issues.  (Closed meetings for those not aware are strictly limited to alcohol.  However, after hearing this gentleman's extremely sad story... I'd be the old heinous egotistical bastard of old to complain.  No one, and I mean no one, should have to struggle with everything he went through.


I know that's kind of vague, but personal loss, and I mean EXTREME PERSONAL LOSS, is something I just won't share here.  We're supposed to keep those things anonymous.


Last Thursday I was part of a First Step meeting, so I got to share very briefly my story with some of the people ambling over from the courthouse.  Fair enough.  That also covers my Twelfth Step about involvement in the AA community.  So, I know I'm at least working a couple of steps simultaneously.


Today's lunch-time meeting was back to form.  There were two topics basically.  (Groundhog discussion notwithstanding, LOL.)  It dealt with how we would get a kick out of the first few drinks and then would spiral out of control, and the aftermath that ensued.  Letdowns, depressions, false sense of entitlement.  That sort of thing.  I shared a thought or three on that aspect.  Again, as with most AA members... our stories are startlingly similar.  The second topic dealt with  practicing love. 


Now here's a topic that in my earlier years I strived for.  Leo Buscaglia was one of my idols.  Still is.  And through this program and In Patient Care, After Care, etc.  I'm finally getting back to that version of Jim.  I know I can never totally become him again, as we're constantly moving forward, and constantly changing.  That's good.  Change is good.  I just need to remember that older Leo-loving version of me and continue to work that into my day-to-day recovery.  I have to try and get along with all people... no matter their faults and differences.  Tall order.  But I'm working on it.


I work on it as I do everything else... One Day at a Time.


I will try and be better about posting... but this weekend is booked work-wise and Super Bowl Sunday.  We'll see what happens.