The Quality of My Life

Very rare 'mid-week' meeting today.  We have a number of new employees being set loose into the lanes, so I had a chance to attend.


We had an absolutely fantastic topic this early morning: 


"It's the quality of my life that determines my value."




My quality of life is... doing EXTREMELY better than it was about a year ago.  I'm getting so very close to a personal goal I set for myself. 


The new (now full time!) gig is a little "time" intrusive.  It takes a bit of a bite out of my quality of life. 


I did something extremely horrible last night that I will never forgive myself for.  I'd worked all day and was constantly thinking about dinner that day/night.  It was supposed to be pasta night.  (You see, we try and plan meals out in advance)... but... when I got home, the oven was running and a frozen pizza was the meal of the night.  I'd had this "vision" of a nice pasta night dinner in my head all throughout the day and I KNOW I took it out on my wife.  That was not my intention.  That was the older version of myself... and I don't know how to make it better.  I really need to revisit Step Four. 


Today's meeting was a very, very, VERY vivid reminder about how I can try even harder to make the quality of my life that much better.


I have Stef.  My quality of life is complete.
My value?  Being sober.


Getting so close to one year!  I do it... one day at a time.

This is for my ETERNAL Sweetie

Is this not us... or what?  I'm narrowing in on a year soon... just wanted to share this lovely moment. 


C'mon... this is/was/and hopefully be forever..  US... (Walter Gbson stuff coming soon!)   ;)

Gotta Love State Holidays

As it's President's Day, I got it off paid, so that allowed me to attend what has become one of my favorite meetings.  I love the group at St. David's.  It's a nice group of people.  For the most part, it isn't usually over-crowded, and we get to actually speak to one another.


It also wasn't bad as we're in the tail-end of February and the temperatures outside are practically May-ish.  Granted a little windy, but still... none of us were going to complain! 


I volunteered for the "More About Alcoholism" reading today as there were only nine of us there this morning.  I read that quite a bit at night before I do my nightly meditation.  It's also nice sharing that with people who can probably recite by rote along with me. 


Anyhoots... today's topic was a fun one.  The whole concept of "liquor being my best friend and the fact that I had a lot of fun drinking"... I shared some stories from my Columbia days, where I'd take my classmates about four blocks over to Greektown and order INDIVIDUAL bottles of roditis ( a Greek blush wine) for each member of the table.  We'd eat appetizers from the entire menu and then go back to the building on Wabash and go on the air... completely plowed.  How we never got sited for FCC violations, I will never to this day know.


But, yes... liquor was my friend.  Albeit a fake one.  I let all of that mentality get the better of me and I let it run my life for far too long.


It's not my best friend.  It's not even a friend.  What friend would do that to someone?!?


The final "thought" / "prayer" or whatever came down to... sharing your love/joy/happiness/time...etc... with those that still suffer.  That's knocking Step 12 outta Wrigley for me.  I do that with my St. David's crowd.  I'm doing something for others, I suppose. 


One Day at a Time.


No reason for following photo, other than the fact that I love this show:

Anniversary Today And Some Recaps

I had today as a paid day off... so it allowed me to attend one of my favorite Monday meetings.  It was also a milestone for me as I claimed it as my 10 Month Anniversary.  I got a round of applause, which I deferred to, as the older "me" would've loved that bit.  I didn't do anything anyone else in that group hadn't already done... but it was still nice to be recognized.  The St. David's gang doesn't do anniversary chips and I frankly don't mind.  In my early days of sobriety I collected them like I did casino chips, and that was never the point.


But it was a nice day for me nonetheless. 


Stef and I attended the open meeting at Provena yesterday... and it was quite a bit better than the one we attended on Super Bowl Weekend.  But still... we have our rules at closed meetings and I have a hard time listening to people who have "other" addiction issues as open speaker.  BUT... as I've said here numerous times... open meetings are somewhat more lapse/loose/whatever.  The gal speaking did finally come to a topic... however loosely related it was.


My meeting this morning was a closed one, so we could only deal with the topic at hand.  Nice topic it was, too.


Simply... merely... be expectant.  Expect better things.  I'm really in a good 'zone' right now.  I'd "love" to say I don't think about the act... but that'd be a lie.  I do.  I just no longer act on it.  That is a miracle to me.  I'm a hell of a lot happier these days. 


What was the last thing said in today's meeting?  Something along the lines of... growing old happily is to expect better things than you ever had before... (something like that...)  Today's topic was sorta Leo Buscaglia in that it dealt with growing and expanding my life.


Nice.


So, ten months.  (I'm debating whether or not to claim that at the Open Meeting... it doesn't always mean as much to them as to us.)  But still... Yay me!  One Day at a Time.

YES! I AM ALIVE!

We're so short-handed at work they've had to call in reinforcements from our Joliet branch.  They find it surprising how busy we are in Aurora/Naperville.  Maybe I should've applied for that full-time position out by them after all... but I guess it doesn't matter in the end, as a number of use have become pseudo-full-time employees.  If this keeps up, I may ask for a permanent slot and the higher level of pay and insurance.  More on that as it happens.


This new schedule has put a serious damper on my meeting attendance.  Right now all I can swing are the Open Sunday and Thursday Geneva lunch meetings.  It's all well and good.  I'm not in a position to complain as things are going well.    We had quite a moving speaker at the Open Sunday meeting this past weekend.  I'm normally not a huge fan of people who have multiple abuse issues.  (Closed meetings for those not aware are strictly limited to alcohol.  However, after hearing this gentleman's extremely sad story... I'd be the old heinous egotistical bastard of old to complain.  No one, and I mean no one, should have to struggle with everything he went through.


I know that's kind of vague, but personal loss, and I mean EXTREME PERSONAL LOSS, is something I just won't share here.  We're supposed to keep those things anonymous.


Last Thursday I was part of a First Step meeting, so I got to share very briefly my story with some of the people ambling over from the courthouse.  Fair enough.  That also covers my Twelfth Step about involvement in the AA community.  So, I know I'm at least working a couple of steps simultaneously.


Today's lunch-time meeting was back to form.  There were two topics basically.  (Groundhog discussion notwithstanding, LOL.)  It dealt with how we would get a kick out of the first few drinks and then would spiral out of control, and the aftermath that ensued.  Letdowns, depressions, false sense of entitlement.  That sort of thing.  I shared a thought or three on that aspect.  Again, as with most AA members... our stories are startlingly similar.  The second topic dealt with  practicing love. 


Now here's a topic that in my earlier years I strived for.  Leo Buscaglia was one of my idols.  Still is.  And through this program and In Patient Care, After Care, etc.  I'm finally getting back to that version of Jim.  I know I can never totally become him again, as we're constantly moving forward, and constantly changing.  That's good.  Change is good.  I just need to remember that older Leo-loving version of me and continue to work that into my day-to-day recovery.  I have to try and get along with all people... no matter their faults and differences.  Tall order.  But I'm working on it.


I work on it as I do everything else... One Day at a Time.


I will try and be better about posting... but this weekend is booked work-wise and Super Bowl Sunday.  We'll see what happens.

Groundhog? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Groundhog!

I really need to make some gumbo this year!  Haven't made it in ages!

Funky Work Week

I'm closing pretty much most of this week, so it allowed me to attend one of my favorite meetings on Monday morning.  I also got a chance to attend a Saturday meeting with my sponsor, as well as my normal Sunday meeting.  I will try and recap as best as possible.


Monday's meeting at St. David's tends to be somewhat more religious than normal meetings, and I'm now totally used to that fact.  There was a time when that would've bothered me, but as I work the steps and as I see internally as well as externally, my higher power working with me... I'm cool with it all.


Monday's topic dealt with not being able to learn from my drinking experiences.  I get that now.  I'm so grateful to NOT be that person anymore.  I also totally get the bit about working all the steps daily.  Step Four took a MASSIVE toll on my psyche.  It's not easy setting out all your faults for you yourself to see.  And the weird thing is that the list apparently keeps on growing.  ANYHOOTS... I have indeed gained some personal insight into myself from my previous experiences.  I do my morning and nightly meditations and I'm surprised at how much nicer my life is now.  I'm "tentatively" working on making Step Five happen on my one weekday off on Thursday.  My sponsor Lyn and I spoke on Saturday and we believe we can make it happen.


Sunday's open meeting featured a very lovely person who's been at numerous meetings.  She's part of my Saturday home meetings and I'd never heard her story.  She's quite a bit younger than most of us in the Saturday/Sunday meetings, and her drinking career was far more finite than most of us.  I can only wish I had the brain power to realize merely four years into drinking what after-effects it would have on my life.  Amanda did.  Bless her heart.  But it's nice to know that there are younger people out there to carry on the mantle of AA. 


Saturday's home meeting was an odd one.  Not many people can pull off the low cut farmer's overalls look... but Lee can.  LOL.  He was host.  No one came up with a topic so his comment was "What part of yourself that you dislike do you miss?"  (Paraphrasing there.)  It was sort of steps four and six smooshed into one.  I only just completed step four and now you want me to embrace one of my character flaws?!  No thanks.  I'm working so very hard to leave those in the past. 


I don't miss any of those character flaws.  I kinda like where I'm at right now.  I "believe" I'm no longer as judgmental as I used to be.  I'm pretty sure I've put a large portion of my ego behind me.  So... why in the world would I miss any of that?  I've been slowly gearing myself up for steps eight and nine... those are warming up on the on-deck circle (as they say in baseball)...


Once I get step five out of the way (so to speak)...


I know I have to continuously work them ALL every day.  But I also know that I can only my best... one day at a time.

Happy Inauguration Day

This Is Currently My Favorite Song

This is my favorite song playing on WXRT at the moment.  I love when band members trade off vocals.  The video's a little "head-achy"... but they give you the lyrics.  :-)

Can You Believe It's Already One Year?

Hot Tramp.... I miss you so!

So Many Days to Cover

I've not been feeling 100% , so that explains part of my blog absence.  If I were to say that I'm even feeling 77% at the moment would be a stretch.  I had a doctor's visit today as well as a plethora of meetings I've attended in the past couple of days.  So much to share and so little time to do it in... I just hope my ribs and chest calm down so that I can accurately share.


Oh wow... I started off the New Year's week with a meeting, and as we're in the first month, we dealt with Step One.  I like Step One as it points out the bloody obvious.  I got paid to attend a meeting stating that we can only carry the prior 24 hours.  It also went into not weighing yourself down with past regrets.  I've tried that aspect of recovery.  It does indeed help in the long run


In other news, I have a very dear friend at work who lost his mother, so they (OBVIOUSLY!) allowed my/our pal Nestor to go home to the Philippines for the funeral.  That was sad in and of itself, but it suddenly opened up some time off for me.  Good thing.  Schedules got adjusted. 


I finally got to attend my Saturday home meeting.  I'd spoken with my sponsor throughout my time away, but I always got the feeling he was mad I wasn't at the home meeting.  Regardless, although it was a colossal drag as one of our members informed us that it would be his last meeting ever with AA.  (His doctor informed Bob he had less than a month to live.)  We all spent a moment with him.  I'm glossing over this portion, and I don't mean to, it's just that I didn't know him as well as the rest of the crew.


Sunday presented me with a gentleman who was about my age and someone who went through "SOME" of the things I went through... but not all.  I don't want to be in his shoes.  I'm not going to get into all of what was said, but he made some extremely pertinent references to an age I lived in.  There were far too many football and musical references for me to shed.


BUT ANYHOOTS...


Today was another meeting at my favorite area spot.  Prior to a medical appointment, I got to share with some lovely people that, no matter what my troubles, all I have to do is be patient.  I liked that aspect today.  I do that every day and I'm doing well.
My medical appointment was marginally painless.  I have some very minor cold-related things to take care of, as well as a tiny bit of earwax (also a cold related thingie)...  Somewhere since my last visit I've lost 11 pounds.  While my doctor said that was great... he did have a slight issue with that being despite my current intake of fast-food.  (I traded off the world's worst thing for me for the second worst thing for me...  meaning nasty drinks to nasty food.)  Weird.  And here I think as I look into a morning mirror that I'm putting on weight.  I'm somehow not.  But still, all is well.  I just need to shake this cough/cold.        


My four days off are now long gone/  I have a lot to do.  (As Tom Baker said in the 50th Doctor Who episode said... and you have to read the following in his own unique whispered voice...)  "Oh, you have a lot to do."


I have to juggle some personal stuff and make sure my two ladies are taken care of.  It's my absolute pleasure of a job to do... and as long as they are happy... I'm content.  :)


There's some doctor stuff... but nothing major.  I'm doing well.


One Day at a Time!
Hugs from Jim  (Master of the parenthetical commentary)... oh!  And by the way... dreamt about someone last night.  Thanks for the visit!!!


Miss you Sugar Booger!

Starting off 2017 with a Giggle

BWA-HAHAHAHA


Click on link above.