Sorry guys! No updates for a while. I was bad and am now in residential therapy.
Doing well, though.
See you soon.
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Monday, April 11, 2016
Recovery & Sports - If You Don't Practice...You Can't Win
One of the group today mentioned today's title in his weekend round-up. He likened recovery to participating in sports. I thought it was nice so I used it.
Good weekend all in all. Spent Friday night home with the Arctic Hushpuppy and fixed a painting. Saturday brought my usual meeting. It wasn't the greatest meeting, but it wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination.
Now, Sunday's open meeting was one of my favorites in a long time. The gentleman speaking had a fairly similar story to mine and I managed to have a very brief chat with him afterwards. One, to thank him for a great session... and two, to thank him for using a term I had only just used in my Recovery session not a few days prior. He said that even after all this time, he was a work in progress! I nearly laughed out loud having only just said the same thing.
I shared that during my weekend recap portion today and it went over pretty well. We had a number of new folks in the group today, so a lot of what we'd normally talked about had to be put slightly aside to welcome the new guys.
On a personal note, I'm fairly close to being put on an early discharge from I.O.P. to the "After Care" program. With the new people there this morning, I had to reschedule my consultation with Iggy for a day or so... he is pleased with my progress and participation. I have redoubled my efforts to securing a gig as we discussed today "what comes next".
One of our group is having severe mom and grandma issues, and Iggy pushed back some of the after session meetings he had with others in our group to deal with her. So, that's why I had to push mine back as well. Totally understandable. "J"'s a nice 'kid' (21)... but she's living in a toxic environment with (as I mentioned) her mom and grandmom... who will not let her out of their sight for more than ten minutes. They normally park next to Fury One (our car)... and grandma appears to be of the judgmental sort of the rest of us exiting the building.
None of my business, but I was able to offer some simply... I hesitate to use the word... 'tactics' for "J" to use, but if they are going to police every move she makes and insist on driving her places so they can keep tabs on her... schedule as many meeting you can throughout each day of the week. Make them sick of having to drive you anywhere. It was just a silly suggestion that got at least a smile out of this kid, a general laugh from the gang and an agreeing nod out of Iggy.
Just trying to help as best I can.
Good weekend all in all. Spent Friday night home with the Arctic Hushpuppy and fixed a painting. Saturday brought my usual meeting. It wasn't the greatest meeting, but it wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination.
Now, Sunday's open meeting was one of my favorites in a long time. The gentleman speaking had a fairly similar story to mine and I managed to have a very brief chat with him afterwards. One, to thank him for a great session... and two, to thank him for using a term I had only just used in my Recovery session not a few days prior. He said that even after all this time, he was a work in progress! I nearly laughed out loud having only just said the same thing.
I shared that during my weekend recap portion today and it went over pretty well. We had a number of new folks in the group today, so a lot of what we'd normally talked about had to be put slightly aside to welcome the new guys.
On a personal note, I'm fairly close to being put on an early discharge from I.O.P. to the "After Care" program. With the new people there this morning, I had to reschedule my consultation with Iggy for a day or so... he is pleased with my progress and participation. I have redoubled my efforts to securing a gig as we discussed today "what comes next".
One of our group is having severe mom and grandma issues, and Iggy pushed back some of the after session meetings he had with others in our group to deal with her. So, that's why I had to push mine back as well. Totally understandable. "J"'s a nice 'kid' (21)... but she's living in a toxic environment with (as I mentioned) her mom and grandmom... who will not let her out of their sight for more than ten minutes. They normally park next to Fury One (our car)... and grandma appears to be of the judgmental sort of the rest of us exiting the building.
None of my business, but I was able to offer some simply... I hesitate to use the word... 'tactics' for "J" to use, but if they are going to police every move she makes and insist on driving her places so they can keep tabs on her... schedule as many meeting you can throughout each day of the week. Make them sick of having to drive you anywhere. It was just a silly suggestion that got at least a smile out of this kid, a general laugh from the gang and an agreeing nod out of Iggy.
Just trying to help as best I can.
Thursday, April 7, 2016
Bumper Sticker Logic
We had a very productive meeting this morning in group.. but I have to place all if it on the back-burner having left the facility.
We were talking about highs and lows between using and not using... and how our entire circle of family/friends deals with it all.... I can't make them understand or comprehend what I am going through... but I can help them along their way of dealing with the defect that is me.
All well and good! Me, personally, I have to deal with the fact that I will never ever be perfect... and that everyone around me will have to try and figure out (in their own ways/terms) how to deal with me from this point forward.
It's all about ebbs and waves and whatever other psycho-babble Iggy went through out today. But I understood where he was coming from.
I found it HYSTERICAL driving home this afternoon. Someone had this three-tiered sticker on their car. I simply cannot remember what the first statement was... but I remember the second and third.
#2 - Grow something. (Fair enough. We're working on that item. I'd love nothing more than an herb garden that produces food I can actually use.
#3 - MY FAVORITE... "Don't be a dick."
That comment, despite the several hours we sat there and spewed nonsense, made the most sense to me. It came on a bumper sticker. I liked it and thought I'd share.
And speaking of sharing, Stef showed me a photo of a feline that is the clone of my late son... I really, really, really want to adopt him... make him a forever home... but how could I do that to a feline knowing in my heart I only adopted him because he was a replica?!?
I want another cat so badly... but I know in my heart I am not ready. At least not where an older feline is involved.
I got to raise Gromit from a kitten. We bonded. We came to a human/kitty agreement. I sincerely don't think I have it within me to devote that sort of love/time/effort into a kitten... let alone an older cat.
What do I know? The Arctic Hushpuppy will have to do for now as I consider whether or not I am ready for another cat.
(Monday's meeting ought to be fun...LOL!)
We were talking about highs and lows between using and not using... and how our entire circle of family/friends deals with it all.... I can't make them understand or comprehend what I am going through... but I can help them along their way of dealing with the defect that is me.
All well and good! Me, personally, I have to deal with the fact that I will never ever be perfect... and that everyone around me will have to try and figure out (in their own ways/terms) how to deal with me from this point forward.
It's all about ebbs and waves and whatever other psycho-babble Iggy went through out today. But I understood where he was coming from.
I found it HYSTERICAL driving home this afternoon. Someone had this three-tiered sticker on their car. I simply cannot remember what the first statement was... but I remember the second and third.
#2 - Grow something. (Fair enough. We're working on that item. I'd love nothing more than an herb garden that produces food I can actually use.
#3 - MY FAVORITE... "Don't be a dick."
That comment, despite the several hours we sat there and spewed nonsense, made the most sense to me. It came on a bumper sticker. I liked it and thought I'd share.
And speaking of sharing, Stef showed me a photo of a feline that is the clone of my late son... I really, really, really want to adopt him... make him a forever home... but how could I do that to a feline knowing in my heart I only adopted him because he was a replica?!?
I want another cat so badly... but I know in my heart I am not ready. At least not where an older feline is involved.
I got to raise Gromit from a kitten. We bonded. We came to a human/kitty agreement. I sincerely don't think I have it within me to devote that sort of love/time/effort into a kitten... let alone an older cat.
What do I know? The Arctic Hushpuppy will have to do for now as I consider whether or not I am ready for another cat.
(Monday's meeting ought to be fun...LOL!)
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Recovery Is A Process, Not An Event
Tonight's blog title was written on the dry erase board as we all walked in this morning. It became the major focus of our discussion throughout the day/
Part of that had to with the (sort of) loss of a group member. Apparently the pull of heroin was too much for "E" and her parents checked her into a closed facility. This hit Iggy pretty hard, as he felt he (and we as a group) were doing her some good. How wrong we were I guess.
I met my first meth-addict today. I'm going to include a photo, and I certainly do not mean to be cruel or flippant about her appearance, but damn... she looked just like a certain South Park character. I've read that doing meth eats away at your body... but wow... I didn't know it would do that kind of damage to someone's teeth. She is apparently in her 30's... but looks nearly twice as old!
Again, not being judgmental! I swear! I hope she finds some solace and some sense of calm during her stay with us.
Part of that had to with the (sort of) loss of a group member. Apparently the pull of heroin was too much for "E" and her parents checked her into a closed facility. This hit Iggy pretty hard, as he felt he (and we as a group) were doing her some good. How wrong we were I guess.
I met my first meth-addict today. I'm going to include a photo, and I certainly do not mean to be cruel or flippant about her appearance, but damn... she looked just like a certain South Park character. I've read that doing meth eats away at your body... but wow... I didn't know it would do that kind of damage to someone's teeth. She is apparently in her 30's... but looks nearly twice as old!
Again, not being judgmental! I swear! I hope she finds some solace and some sense of calm during her stay with us.
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Can You See Your Ears Without A Mirror?
I had never heard the blog title statement prior to today.
In essence Iggy said that it all boiled down to looking at yourself in a mirror and accepting/liking what you see. I have to admit... I like what I see.
Today is one month. (YAY ME!)
We're talking one total month total here. It's not like the first month (or others that preceded) where I had funding and opportunities to acquire beer whenever and wherever I wanted to. I'm talking one solid month.
I will not make a big "to-do" about it this evening, but part of me wants to light some candles during dinner just to recognize the date... but that would be too self-indulgent, all things having been said. And, we already covered that basic point of conversation in today's session.
So, for today, I will take the light round of applause from the group as a stepping stone. I'm doing well.
P.S. - If anyone out there can tell me via private message what the hell I am doing wrong with hash-browns or potatoes O'Brien... I'd love to hear your comments. I made them EXACTLY like the package called for and they still turned out mushy. I even overcooked them... but I never got a crispy edge or char... WTF?!? They turned out all right for a burrito before I left this morning... but they were still not up to par. So, now more breakfast for dinner for now! HARUMPH!
In essence Iggy said that it all boiled down to looking at yourself in a mirror and accepting/liking what you see. I have to admit... I like what I see.
Today is one month. (YAY ME!)
We're talking one total month total here. It's not like the first month (or others that preceded) where I had funding and opportunities to acquire beer whenever and wherever I wanted to. I'm talking one solid month.
I will not make a big "to-do" about it this evening, but part of me wants to light some candles during dinner just to recognize the date... but that would be too self-indulgent, all things having been said. And, we already covered that basic point of conversation in today's session.
So, for today, I will take the light round of applause from the group as a stepping stone. I'm doing well.
P.S. - If anyone out there can tell me via private message what the hell I am doing wrong with hash-browns or potatoes O'Brien... I'd love to hear your comments. I made them EXACTLY like the package called for and they still turned out mushy. I even overcooked them... but I never got a crispy edge or char... WTF?!? They turned out all right for a burrito before I left this morning... but they were still not up to par. So, now more breakfast for dinner for now! HARUMPH!
Monday, April 4, 2016
Ho-Ho's and Zingers and Ding-Dong's.... Oh My!
Today's Monday morning group was not for the sugar intolerant! "T" came in with boxes, and I mean boxes of Hostess snack cakes! Apparently, Cermack-Mart (as Stef and I call it) liquidates excess boxes over the weekends... and she picked them up for a song. So, everyone this morning was on a pretty impressive sugar high.
It was the typical Monday meeting. We all shared our weekend events, and as mine was an anniversary weekend, I had nothing but good things to say. I was in close proximity to the woman I adore. We got do a number of things together. We got to go out and have an actual dinner together. I had my standard meetings over the weekend...one of which she attends and I love her for it... and I had my Walker season finale. (That last bit wasn't as important as all the other stuff that happened.)
Once we did the round robin... and that took nearly our entire session... some of us had our weekly one-on-one meeting with Iggy. Myself included. He told me that he feels I am doing well in group. (YAY ME!) I was not prepared for a comment that followed...
I don't attend Friday meetings at group as I am a good student and attend the days I am required to show up. However, he has to be there on Fridays for the people doing make-up meetings and newbies showing up for the program.
Iggy informed me that he used a major point I was trying to make last week throughout his entire Friday session. That was the bit about me planning things out several steps out in advance rather than giving in to your urges.
I wasn't prepared for that! Nor was I prepared for sweetness-inducing queen "T" saying that the exact same comment made her weekend with her daughters all that much easier.
Holy frijoles and a side order of guacamole to boot, I did some actual good with the not just my group... but with a group I hadn't event met.
All I will say is that's pretty cool. :-)
It was the typical Monday meeting. We all shared our weekend events, and as mine was an anniversary weekend, I had nothing but good things to say. I was in close proximity to the woman I adore. We got do a number of things together. We got to go out and have an actual dinner together. I had my standard meetings over the weekend...one of which she attends and I love her for it... and I had my Walker season finale. (That last bit wasn't as important as all the other stuff that happened.)
Once we did the round robin... and that took nearly our entire session... some of us had our weekly one-on-one meeting with Iggy. Myself included. He told me that he feels I am doing well in group. (YAY ME!) I was not prepared for a comment that followed...
I don't attend Friday meetings at group as I am a good student and attend the days I am required to show up. However, he has to be there on Fridays for the people doing make-up meetings and newbies showing up for the program.
Iggy informed me that he used a major point I was trying to make last week throughout his entire Friday session. That was the bit about me planning things out several steps out in advance rather than giving in to your urges.
I wasn't prepared for that! Nor was I prepared for sweetness-inducing queen "T" saying that the exact same comment made her weekend with her daughters all that much easier.
Holy frijoles and a side order of guacamole to boot, I did some actual good with the not just my group... but with a group I hadn't event met.
All I will say is that's pretty cool. :-)
Friday, April 1, 2016
HAPPY 15th ANNIVERSARY STEF!
Iggy asked me in front of the group the other day... "What does Stef mean to me?"
I had a vague/trivial answer for them, as I don't really care what a room full of criminals/addicts think of my personal life... but still...
Wow! You know, even though I have the verbal/mental capabilities to do so, a lot of times I have a hard time figuring out what to say to people... but... when it comes to you Stef, I don't. Because with you everything that used to feel tough, just doesn't any more. It's one of the things I love about you. You don't need me. You can handle anything on your own because you're fearless, and independent, loving... kind. You are without question the best decision I ever made... and I've never thanked you for choosing to be with me... because each day with you is a gift... so thank you.
You deserve the world Stef. You deserve to be happy the rest of your life and no one wants that more for you than me.
Happy Anniversary Luv! I love you.
I had a vague/trivial answer for them, as I don't really care what a room full of criminals/addicts think of my personal life... but still...
Wow! You know, even though I have the verbal/mental capabilities to do so, a lot of times I have a hard time figuring out what to say to people... but... when it comes to you Stef, I don't. Because with you everything that used to feel tough, just doesn't any more. It's one of the things I love about you. You don't need me. You can handle anything on your own because you're fearless, and independent, loving... kind. You are without question the best decision I ever made... and I've never thanked you for choosing to be with me... because each day with you is a gift... so thank you.
You deserve the world Stef. You deserve to be happy the rest of your life and no one wants that more for you than me.
Happy Anniversary Luv! I love you.
And just for giggles... here's the Doctor with a cat on his head.
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