Shit! I Got Shingles!

Well, so much for a fun holiday weekend.  I end up getting shingles... thankfully there was a Walk-In Care Facility to take care of me!  Should be back up and running tomorrow or so...

No... that's Shit on a Shingle!

Gee... thanks Grumpy Cat! 

HAVE A SAFE WEEKEND ALL!

Not sure how much I'll get to blog in the next couple of days ... so ... please everyone have a safe and lovely Memorial Day weekend!


(A bunch of meetings, an alumni picnic to attend and some medical things to take care of in the new shortened week, so more actual blogging soon to come.)

Iggy's Great! Gives Us the Chocolate Cake!

Tuesday's list:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful 41 days sober!!   
2. Daily Coping Skills:  Meditation and IOP group.
3. Daily Goal:  Participate in IOP as best I can. 
4. PSA:  I'm focusing on what I can do right now.

So we come into the meeting today and there's a chocolate cake there for Mike's birthday... and what does Mike do?  Well, not show up for starters.  He's the oldest member of the group and went out of his way to mention it was his birthday yesterday, and Iggy said had he known, he'd have bought a cake.  So Iggy does indeed bring one in... and there's no recipient for said cake.  Fortunately it was a full group of fifteen people, so there were people there to polish off the cake.


We helped Neil with his issues today.  A dear friend of his apparently died while drunk driving over the weekend, which explained why he wasn't there yesterday (Monday)... but we found out that he did leave a message for Iggy stating the reason for his absence.  It still didn't fully justify his relapse, but apparently the death of a friend in those circumstances is all right for drinking?! 


I was a little uncomfortable with the whole "poor Neil" thing... considering the discussion yesterday of pity parties we folks in recovery throw ourselves.  But I didn't say this, as he was sitting directly to my left.  I'm not trying to be cold-hearted by any stretch of the imagination, mind you!  Honest! 


But, he's made it a point to say that he does attend AA meetings... as we are instructed by Iggy virtually every day... wasn't there someone there, or within his circle of sober friends he could've called?  Or one of us?  Those of us with alcohol problems shared our numbers a while back.


Again, merely saying.  Not being rude or anything like that!! 


I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow's meeting.  Iggy's pulling out the James Wood/James Garner movie "The Story of Bill W."  (The founders of AA.)  It's a great movie... but this is going to be my fourth time seeing it.  I only just recently saw it all the way through while in Residence... it's not like I forgot it or anything. 


We're supposed to compare it to our lives.  I totally relate to the film as a whole and its message.  The only thing that doesn't apply to me is the fact that I didn't actually create AA... so what more can I (pardon the pun) 'garner' from seeing it a fourth time?! 


Oh well.  No big deal in the grand scheme of things, I guess.


One Day at a Time!

Is Your Name Not Bruce Then?

Monday's list:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful 40 days sober!!  (MORE ON THAT IN A MOMENT!) 
2. Daily Coping Skills:  Meditation and IOP group.
3. Daily Goal:  Reflect on my time spent sober.  Participate in IOP. 
4. PSA:  I am a product of my decisions.

Let's start with the title of today's blog.  For fans of the show, it's clearly a Monty Python sketch reference.  A professor named Michael goes to Australia and meets the rest of the University's Psychology Staff and they're all named Bruce.  His name causes some friction.


"Is your name not Bruce, then?"
"No.  It's Michael."
"Well, that's gonna cause some confusion... mind if we call you Bruce?"


The point being is we already had a Brandon in our group and today saw the introduction of three new guys... two of whom were also named Brandon... so we have three now.


ANYHOOTS... the third guy is named Jeff and he came over from the Men's Extension over in Residence, and wouldn't you know it, his roommate was my old buddy Tim!  I got to be Peer Group Leader for a short while during my stay and Tim took over from me.  Coincidentally enough, Tim called me yesterday (Sunday) stating that he was getting out and that he wanted to attend AA meetings with myself and Jay.  I was going to leave either a written message or passed along verbal message for him this morning... but no need!  He and the current group were returning from the weekly Monday morning mile walk, so I got to speak with him personally!  Excellent timing!


Monday's are generally weekend recaps, which we did.  Iggy tried to keep it short as he had three new people that needed to introduce themselves, but there was time for a regular meeting sandwiched within.  He went once again with my suggestion of trying to plan things ahead in order to avoid possible triggers.  We only had one person this weekend that went off the program, but shifted blame over to his family rather than on himself.  We all pretty much called him out on that one. 


I didn't share my 40 day anniversary with the group, as Iggy often points out that it's not something to really celebrate, so I don't bother with this group.  I personally think differently.  For me, that's a pretty good feat!  I'm proud of it, even if he and the group can't be bothered.


Nyah!  So there!


So, 40 days sober!  How did I do it?!  One day at a time!  (For Kamari, my brother from another mother... yes, I stayed focused!  You were 100% right... it works!)  I have a special cartoon for him I've got to use in a future post!


ONE DAY AT A TIME!  STAY FOCUSED!

    

THINGS THAT CANNONT BE UNSEEN - ROUTE 66 EDITION!!

So, Stef and I took today (Friday) off from other commitments and took a day trip down Route 66.  We drove a fair chunk of it a few years ago and there were a few places we wanted to revisit.


So we started and ended our day in Pontiac, IL.  There were also various stops further up along the route, but that's another post for another time.

There's a very lovely (and free!) museum in downtown Pontiac.  Three floors, including a War Museum at the top level.  The Second Floor featured several mock rooms... one of which that portrayed the interior of what was considered a standard American home circa the 1940's.  (WWII era.) 


The throwback radio station console from the 1960's was a totally cool throwback for me, as it wasn't too entirely off from what I studied on during the 80's.  Oh, sure, the dials and switches were upgraded on the one I ended up working with, but the basic layout, two turntables, cart machines and reel-to-reel recorders were almost exactly the same in the 60's as they were in later years!  Very trippy for me at any rate!


Around the corner from the museum there was one gift shop that sold t-shirts, hats and whatnot that you could have imprinted with various images... (some Route 66-related, some not)... and something tacked onto the wall definitely caught our eye!  A t-shirt that comes in Size 10XL!! That's not us in the photo... but it was the first one of the 10XL T-shirt I found that there new fangled interwebs thingie that came close to showing it in scale.  YOWZAH!

On the trip back we stopped at the Log Cabin Restaurant on Route 66 in Pontiac.  This was our second time dining there and they serve some DYNAMITE food!!  Very well made bacon cheeseburgers and tater tots, FYI!  Should you find yourself in that neck of the woods... you've got to dine there!  Great staff!  Great food!  'Nuff said!

Bad Blogger - Part Deux

Did it again... I let the week get the better of me and I totally forgot to blog the past few days!


Friday's list:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful 37 days sober!! 
2. Daily Coping Skills:  Meditation and IOP on Wednesday and Thursday.
3. Daily Goal:  Fixed sponsor's phone number and spoke with him the other day.  Goal for today?  To remain sober.
4. PSA:  Live for today, not tomorrow.  (Song lyric.  A cheat.  Guess the song, win a blog prize.)

Friday today.  Kind of a busy day ahead.  No IOP session planned for today, but I still have to visit a medical facility.  I went to the Doctor for a full physical and prescription renewal... but he also wants blood work done, so I have to go bleed and give them some urine.  Nothing major.


Yesterday's IOP was an odd bag.  Basically it turned into a discussion about the differences between someone claiming to be a "Problem Drinker" versus a full blown alcoholic... I thought the fact that the individual being discussed had three DUIs made them a full blown alcoholic with clear denial issues.  But what do I know?  (I was more concerned with the apparent disappearance of someone I attended Residential treatment from my IOP Group.)


Busy weekend ahead.  Going to the weekly meeting with Jay tomorrow.  He texted last night to confirm, so that will be a good meeting.  Sunday will be the other normal weekly meeting.  I will have to make a public appearance at the parent's house on Sunday... so that will mean not-so great Chinese food and the same old conversations.  Sigh.


I will try and do better about the blogging.


One day at a time!

Ooops! Been A Bad Blogger!

Tuesday's list:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful 34 days sober and my wife. 
2. Daily Coping Skills:  Meditation and IOP.
3. Daily Goal:  Participate in IOP.  (DONE!)  Double check sponsor phone number with John... number should be correct... but apparently it's not?!  WTF?! 
4. PSA:  I am calm, relaxed and peaceful.

OK... I let the past couple of days get the better of me and I let the blog suffer.  Sorry about that!




Quick recap:  Saturday's AA meeting with Jay was fun.  He is making it his home group.  We ran into Andy from our residential stay and he was happy to see us.  The meeting overall was about Gratitude.  Lots of interesting stories shared.


Sunday was the open meeting that Stef attended with me.  The speaker was Robin.  I see him mostly at the Saturday meetings, but it was interesting to hear his story in full.  He spent a lot of time as a resident of the state of California... if you know what I mean.


Monday's IOP meeting was the basic weekend recap and brief introduction to our newest member, Bob.  We ran out of time before he could properly introduce himself.  He did so today (Tuesday).  We went around the group and did the basic intros of ourselves.  I spoke with Bob during one of the breaks and told him about the Saturday meetings there at Gateway.  We might have another new member attending.


Things were a bit hectic today at IOP.  Apparently one of the other groups lost a client due to an OD.  We had to vacate our normal room for a smaller one, as they used our room for a huge staff meeting... most probably to discuss the loss.


Iggy mentioned that as a precaution, the facility was going to test everyone in all the groups.  This wasn't to single anyone out or anything like that... it was just a check to see if someone was perhaps using and whether or not they required additional help.  I welcome the check as I have nothing to hide.


Other than that, there was a video about Triggers & Cravings.  It covered all the various addictions and there was some crossover symptoms between opiates and liquor.  I could relate to the alcohol triggers, but it wasn't anything new that we hadn't spoken about in IOP or in residence.  But, still and all, it was interesting as a refresher.


I also tried to call my sponsor again today, and instead of getting an answering machine like I normally do, I actually caught someone live... but was told it was a wrong number?!?  This contradicts what  Lin told me on Saturday when I showed him my phone and his number... he said it was correct.  I will have to call my neighbor John to reconfirm the number.  That was totally weird. 


IOP and Doctor's appointment tomorrow.  We shall see what we shall see about the doctor's visit.  More on that as I find out.


One day at a time!

One Paragraph. One Hour... Oh... and One Month

Friday's list:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful one month sober today!  My wife.  My sober friends... some of whom are also approaching their first month!
2. Daily Coping Skills:  Meditation and blogging.  
3. Daily Goal:  Attend AA meeting at Mercy.  (DONE!)  Call Sponsor. 
4. PSA:  I'm AM doing this!

I attended an AA meeting earlier this morning.  It was a good meeting and I will get to that in a second, but I first wanted to share something with my brothers from Residency.


Remember that discussion we had at the lunch table just before a few of us were released?  The one where I said that some AA meetings weren't as anonymous as others?  Well, today's meeting was one such meeting.  The woman chairing the meeting asked the assembled group for their FULL NAMES as we went around the table!  As I said at the lunch table, so much for anonymous, right?!  This isn't the first time I've experienced this odd request.  I simply rattled off my radio name instead of my actual name... because it came easily enough and I do value my anonymity!


Other than that small complaint, it was really a good meeting.  It was a Big Book Study group.  For those not familiar with the focus of the group... they read the Big Book one paragraph or (sometimes) section(s) and have a discussion about the contents of the reading.  If you have a copy of the Big Book, turn to page 91 and read the paragraph starting with the words:  "See your man alone,".


We had an entire hour's worth of discussion over that single paragraph!  It was similar to what I/we were doing at the Men's Extension at Gateway!  It made for a great meeting and the time just flew by!  I also got to meet with some people I see at other AA meetings, namely one of the Toms and Lee.


This weekend holds a meeting back over at Gateway on Saturday and the Open Meeting over at Mercy on Sunday, so busy-busy-busy.


Oh, and I celebrate one month today!  I feel good.  There are no cravings, which make things even better.  I'm in a good place mentally.  Yay for me, I guess!  As I briefly mentioned in my list above, I know there are a few people who left Gateway before me that should have hopefully met this goal already, and there are a few more that I knew who remained that should also be approaching this achievement... GOOD FOR YOU GUYS!  If you ever need help or someone to talk to... you have my contact information!


Happy Friday all!  It's a happy one for me today!


One day at a time, gang!

Thursday Recap

Thursday's List:


Here's my list for today:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful for 29 days sober!  My wife.  My sober friends.
2. Daily Coping Skills:  Meditation and blogging.  
3. Daily Goal:  Participate in my IOP session as best I can. 
4. PSA:  I'm striving to improve myself every day.

Surprise encounter with my neighbor John this morning at Gateway.  My group was waiting to be let into our side of the building and he came in the door to meet with one of the managers.  There's an alumni get together later this month, and I guess he wanted to know more about it.  I saw the flyer in the corridor the other day... I should have mentioned it then to him.  Must've slipped my mind.


Can I just say that I'm not a "huge" fan of Thursday in IOP.  It was pretty much just watching the remainder of a video showcasing MRI images of a guy's brain in comparison to a normal non-user's brain.  (Interesting, yes, but I felt it took a little too much of our personal time.)  Then, we basically did a recap of the past several days in regard to Accountability and Recovery, along with a recap of how our addictions are like a tree.  THEN, the final portion was welcoming two new members to the group.  Two new members that didn't seem to want to be there.  One of them also fell asleep during the session.  A HUGE no-no where Iggy is concerned.


 I guess I don't mind the round robin introducing ourselves to the newest members, but it does get old after a while.  I also must've missed the memo while I was in Residence where we also had to share what "spirit" animal we were, and what three things we would take with us on a deserted island.  That was pretty lame, I thought... but what do I know?!


Tomorrow is an off day for IOP, but I do have an AA meeting planned at Mercy in the morning.  That will be my primary focus this weekend... attending several meetings, which is mentioned on my treatment program with Iggy.


One day at a time!

Cognitive Reconstruction and Taking Responsibility

No more dates in blog titles... this new template has a much easier date to read.


Here's my list for today:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful for 28 days sober!  The IOP group.  And most importantly, Stef, who makes the road to recovery just that much nicer to manage.
2. Daily Coping Skills:  Today's IOP session.  My meditation.  Blogging.  
3. Daily Goal:  Speaking with Lillian over at Gateway about my prescriptions.  (DONE!  Caught her live in her office before I left.)  Speak with my Sponsor Lin and hopefully my former roommate Jay about this upcoming weekend's AA meetings.  (DONE!  Left messages for both before starting today's blog entry.) 
4. PSA:  I meditate easily without resistance or anxiety.

There was a friendly surprise in this morning's IOP session, my old pal Jordan was there, as he couldn't attend his normal evening session later tonight, so it was nice to say hi and see how he's been doing since getting out.


Today we continued our discussion about it being all right to be somewhat selfish during our recovery... but we were also reminded that the pendulum swings both ways.  It is perfectly acceptable for those around us to feel the same way. 


They (whether it's your spouse, immediate family, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.) have the right to disengage, withdraw and protect themselves.  They owe us nothing even when we might think tat they do.


Cognitive Reconstruction means I have to change my way of thinking and face whatever consequences that come along.  If I were to drink again... I would have to face those consequences, but if I continue to remain abstinent, I can slowly succeed in mending my relationship with my wife, as it is she I hurt so much.  Facing this reality of hurtful behavior and taking responsibility will ultimately lessen any thoughts of self-pity I might entertain somewhere with myself.


Overall a good session.  At least for me it was.


One day a time!  Blog again at you tomorrow.


And here's one for Art and Jay:

May 10th, 2016 - THERE IS NO "EASY" IN RECOVERY

 I am going to put my daily list first from now on as the blog is now officially back up and running.  So here it is:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful for 27 days of sobriety!  Iggy's continued support and guidance during IOP.  The new bunch of friends I am making in IOP.  They are a chatty group and offer up some good thoughts, but they'll never replace my brothers from other mothers that I met during Inpatient.
2. Daily Coping Skills:  IOP sessions.  Meditation.  Blogging the events of the day.
3. Daily Goal:  Sifting through the reams of paperwork I received from Inpatient and attempting to put them into some logical order subject matter-wise and get them into a binder for easier reading.  (THAT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS!)
4. PSA:  I love, respect and accept myself as I am.

Today's IOP session dealt with the differences between multi-tasking and prioritization. 


Multi-tasking leads to stress, which in turn leads to stress.  Stress leads to chaos and chaos has the potential to trigger someone to go back to drinking/using.


Meanwhile, Prioritization leads to structure.  Structure is what we recovering addicts need.  We use it to build a solid foundation on which we can build on our future decisions.


I mentioned that I would have to redo my resume and remove the word 'multi-tasker' and replace it with something like 'able to prioritize various work projects'... or something like that.  I shared my frustration with the group about the quality of jobs I am currently receiving via email.  Once I get this new resume cleaned up, I hope it will bring in better job offers through Career Builder and Monster.


I was told by both Iggy and the guys that I was stressing myself out just talking about the resume and to take it easy and treat it like my recovery... one day at a time.  Someone referenced the whole tree/weed scenario Iggy spoke about yesterday.  Personal problems/Addictions are the tree/weed.  Remove the tree or weed and another one just grows in its place.  I have to go to the root below the surface to get rid of it. 


So, I guess I still have a little anxiety issue I need to work through.  It was also mentioned that in recovery we sometimes have to make decisions that require us to be a tad bit selfish.  It's not easy, but then as the title of today's post sort of says... the word 'easy' isn't really used in recovery.  I get that. 


Iggy's parting comment was (paraphrased here)... "Our lives are at stake here and we have to fight very hard in recovery to save our lives." 


Amen to that!


Everyone be well and keep working it one day at a time.  Blog at you tomorrow.

MAY 9th, 2016 - Inpatient Stuff and New Stuff

OK... I think I got the new look of the blog the way I wanted it, so let's get back to business.  (ANYTHING PRIOR TO THIS POST DEALT WITH MY FIRST RUN THROUGH IOP, SO IT MIGHT NOT BE PERTINENT TO ANY OF MY PALS FROM INPATIENT READING THE BLOG FOR THE FIRST TIME.  FYI.)

As of this past Friday, May 6th, I spent 21 days as an Inpatient client at Gateway for my drinking problem.  It was something that I feel I should've done a long time ago, as it was precisely I definitely needed.

I seriously lucked out and got slotted into the Men's Extension Group.  There could only ever be a maximum of ten guys in the unit at any given time... otherwise I'd have ended up in the unit where I felt those shifty ne'er do wells dwell.  Shifty ne'er do wells being a term for people that would most probably stab me in the eyeball for my little bowl of salad in the cafeteria if I looked at them the wrong way... if you get what I mean.

ANYHOOTS... as I said, I was supremely fortunate to land where I did as I made friends with a great bunch of guys who were flawed like me.  We had some laughs here and there, but mostly we had lots and lots and lots of meetings/sessions together that were equally great.  Most of the counselors attached to our unit were fantastic.  A couple... well.. for my pals from Gateway reading this... you know the parties I'm talking about.

Like I said, we had a great group, but like any good long-running show... the cast line-up was in constant flux.  Just as you were getting to know someone really well, they were either discharged or forced to leave due to an insurance kerfuffle.

I am going to try and incorporate our morning/event progress report into this blog.  I will only do it once, though, as I don't see the point in posting twice a day.  If I miss something from my report, I can simply blog about it the following day.  I will obviously adjust as we go further along with this new phase of blogging.

I started IOP today with my previous counselor and came back to a much larger group than the one I left a month ago.  Three of the guys there were known to me, and one of those told me that he was headed into Inpatient Care on Thursday.  He's older several of the older bunch I left behind, so I'm hopeful he ends up in the Extension Group.  It was also nice to see my old friend Erik (with a K) in my IOP group.  He and I were over in the Extension Group together, so it's nice to have a friend I can continue to talk to.

I learned a lot about my disease.  My mental, psychological and emotional condition.  Myself.  I was given a set of tools for coping and managing myself in a manner befitting someone with the issues that I have.  The tools I was using at the facility are also being used in my new day to day life.  I'm done with the alcohol.  Just done.

Here's my daily list:

1. Gratitude:  I am grateful for 26 days sober, my improving health and to be able to cook in my own kitchen again.  (I missed that.)
2. Daily coping Skills:  Quiet time, meditation, blogging and attending IOP.
3. Daily Goal:  Call my Sponsor.  (DONE!)  To be mindful of my surroundings and what I think/say to others.  EDIT:  To go on raccoon patrol in/around our house and also make sure there aren't any other wasps in the house.  (DONE!) 
4. Positive Self Affirmation (PSA):  I deserve to be happy.

And here's a little chuckle for everyone: