The title comes from one of the heroin addicts at my daily session. It's an acronym for SOBER. It obviously relates to the falsehood of our addicted lives and the reality of our sober lives.
Thursday's session was an odd one. We lost another member. He was there for the early portion of the morning, but was suddenly missing when the first five minute break was over. He was constantly talking over the other members and even talking over our counselor "I".
The general topic was a bit confusing, as none of us were exactly sure what "I" was fishing for. None of our responses seemed to appease him in any way. It was just odd.
Wednesday's session dealt with Internal and External Motivators. My internal motivators are the building blocks of my sober life, and my external motivators are my wife/friends/fellow AA members etc.. It is my job to properly balance the two.
I have homework for Monday's meeting and I am ready for that session. I have meetings tomorrow and Sunday. So, things are pretty booked. I'm also looking forward to having some folks over tomorrow for a nice St. Patrick's Day meal. Should be fun.
One day at a time, which is strangely enough, the topic of today's thought of the day:
"Yesterday is gone, forget it; tomorrow never comes, don't worry; today is here, get busy." All we have is the present. The past is gone forever and the future never comes. When tomorrow gets here, it will be today. Am I living one day at a time?"
Friday, March 18, 2016
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
One is Too Many. One Thousand Is Never Enough.
DAY TWO: Intense Outpatient Program.
The title of the post comes from someone in my Group earlier this morning. I really liked it and made it a point to jot it down.
Mornings start promptly with our Counselor "I" (his initial) going around the room and asking us how we're doing and how yesterday went. I was happy to say that today was my one week anniversary. (OK, it's like my third one total, but we also discussed how some of us keep track of time differs from person to person.) I've been making it a point to keep myself busy when I get home from my sessions, and that has been really helping. So has the tough love we give one another during the day.
There was a bit of a commotion when one of the Group admitted she went out yesterday and bought a pint of vodka. Why? Because she wanted to have a drink. She claims to have only taken a few sips and put the bottle away... but our Counselor was more than a little put out. He asked that they both meet after the day's session. She's quite possibly going to have start her program all over again... we shall see what happens tomorrow. (I am keeping this rather generic, as these sessions are quite a bit more stringent and putting in too many details is not part of their recovery program.
A majority of our discussion turned to "Conditioning" and "Prediction Error". "I" posited that "T" automatically went out to purchase that bottle due to her conditioning, rather than trying to determine several other options as opposed to drinking. It made a lot more sense in the meeting than it does as I am typing this. (Think Pavlov's Dog Conditioning, that's how "I" described it.
Another of my Group was four days clean from heroin. He's still going through withdrawals, and it's odd to see a scrawny young man sitting in a chair with his knees drawn up under his chin and his arms wrapped around his legs. The Group knew more about him, but as this was only my second say meeting him, I was more than a little shocked to find out that his normal job is being a tutor. (I'm not judging, mind you! Just odd to me.)
Yesterday, Monday, was my first day with the Group and the last hour and a half was dedicated to me, so I could introduce myself to the gang, tell them my story, and what I hoped to attain during my program/treatment. They were both kind and brutally honest in their responses, which I appreciated.
Looking forward to Wednesday.
Weekend Flashback: As I didn't blog, Saturday's meeting with Neighbor "J" was nice. Not quite that many people as usual, but at least it was a better topic. It was in regard to what everyone does with their down time at home and away from AA meetings. Everyone had their own little stories, but it all came to a halt when one gentlemen spoke up, stating that he was 3 days sober following nearly 18 years in the program. He had no reason for this massive relapse, but he was utterly distraught with his announcement. Thankfully he was in the same facility where I attend my sessions, so "I" was there to assist following the meeting. I also got a new sponsor, it was my neighbor's sponsor. That was nice,
Sunday's open meeting was sort of a mirror image of mine. It was a woman who was in the AA program, while her poor suffering husband was in the Al-Anon program for family members. Overall, an informative meeting. I sat next to my former sponsor "J", and we left things very amicable. He even said he was sorry about his availability and that I was always welcome to call him if I ever felt the need. That was very kind of him and I let him know that.
That's about it for now. :-)
I should be back in the swing of things going forward. :-)
The title of the post comes from someone in my Group earlier this morning. I really liked it and made it a point to jot it down.
Mornings start promptly with our Counselor "I" (his initial) going around the room and asking us how we're doing and how yesterday went. I was happy to say that today was my one week anniversary. (OK, it's like my third one total, but we also discussed how some of us keep track of time differs from person to person.) I've been making it a point to keep myself busy when I get home from my sessions, and that has been really helping. So has the tough love we give one another during the day.
There was a bit of a commotion when one of the Group admitted she went out yesterday and bought a pint of vodka. Why? Because she wanted to have a drink. She claims to have only taken a few sips and put the bottle away... but our Counselor was more than a little put out. He asked that they both meet after the day's session. She's quite possibly going to have start her program all over again... we shall see what happens tomorrow. (I am keeping this rather generic, as these sessions are quite a bit more stringent and putting in too many details is not part of their recovery program.
A majority of our discussion turned to "Conditioning" and "Prediction Error". "I" posited that "T" automatically went out to purchase that bottle due to her conditioning, rather than trying to determine several other options as opposed to drinking. It made a lot more sense in the meeting than it does as I am typing this. (Think Pavlov's Dog Conditioning, that's how "I" described it.
Another of my Group was four days clean from heroin. He's still going through withdrawals, and it's odd to see a scrawny young man sitting in a chair with his knees drawn up under his chin and his arms wrapped around his legs. The Group knew more about him, but as this was only my second say meeting him, I was more than a little shocked to find out that his normal job is being a tutor. (I'm not judging, mind you! Just odd to me.)
Yesterday, Monday, was my first day with the Group and the last hour and a half was dedicated to me, so I could introduce myself to the gang, tell them my story, and what I hoped to attain during my program/treatment. They were both kind and brutally honest in their responses, which I appreciated.
Looking forward to Wednesday.
Weekend Flashback: As I didn't blog, Saturday's meeting with Neighbor "J" was nice. Not quite that many people as usual, but at least it was a better topic. It was in regard to what everyone does with their down time at home and away from AA meetings. Everyone had their own little stories, but it all came to a halt when one gentlemen spoke up, stating that he was 3 days sober following nearly 18 years in the program. He had no reason for this massive relapse, but he was utterly distraught with his announcement. Thankfully he was in the same facility where I attend my sessions, so "I" was there to assist following the meeting. I also got a new sponsor, it was my neighbor's sponsor. That was nice,
Sunday's open meeting was sort of a mirror image of mine. It was a woman who was in the AA program, while her poor suffering husband was in the Al-Anon program for family members. Overall, an informative meeting. I sat next to my former sponsor "J", and we left things very amicable. He even said he was sorry about his availability and that I was always welcome to call him if I ever felt the need. That was very kind of him and I let him know that.
That's about it for now. :-)
I should be back in the swing of things going forward. :-)
Doing Outpatient Counseling - Owe The Blog a Post
Today is Day Two of Intense Outpatient Counseling. I owe this blog a more in-depth entry. I will post again later this afternoon.
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Tacky - But Funny
This is somewhat tacky considering what I am currently going through... but I have to admit... I needed that laugh this morning. Just thought I'd share.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
March 8, 2016 - I Surrender
New meeting with a new group. These folks were a teent-tiny but out of my way, but as U have said, any meeting is a good meeting,
Stef and I went looking for this church this past weekend, and we were only off by about a block or two! Curse you phone MapQuest, or whatever it is called on her uber modern phone. LOL.
ANYHOOTS... a simply nice group of people. We didn't have to break up into individual groups, so that part was nice.
Today's topic was 'The Victory of Surrender"... I liked this topic.
If I am alone, there is nothing I can achieve on my own... BUT... with the support of my dearest wife and the friends I have made around the tables... there is NOTHING I CANNOT ACHIEVE!!! Man, that was a kick in the pants. And a good one, too.
I have a loving wife who is trying her hardest to support me. I have a helpful counselor, who is doing wonders for my self-esteem. And I have me. Someone fighting so very hard to make it all work.
Yes. I surrender. I surrender to all that stupid junk that came before this... but you know what... never again. I gained that from today's meeting.
One day at a time.
Stef and I went looking for this church this past weekend, and we were only off by about a block or two! Curse you phone MapQuest, or whatever it is called on her uber modern phone. LOL.
ANYHOOTS... a simply nice group of people. We didn't have to break up into individual groups, so that part was nice.
Today's topic was 'The Victory of Surrender"... I liked this topic.
If I am alone, there is nothing I can achieve on my own... BUT... with the support of my dearest wife and the friends I have made around the tables... there is NOTHING I CANNOT ACHIEVE!!! Man, that was a kick in the pants. And a good one, too.
I have a loving wife who is trying her hardest to support me. I have a helpful counselor, who is doing wonders for my self-esteem. And I have me. Someone fighting so very hard to make it all work.
Yes. I surrender. I surrender to all that stupid junk that came before this... but you know what... never again. I gained that from today's meeting.
One day at a time.
Monday, March 7, 2016
March 7, 2016 - Now THAT'S More Like It
Ah, what a difference a weekend makes!
I had a fantastic meeting earlier today. It was another session about our willingness to give up pride and self-will. I broke up into an exceptional group of folks who had the same (more or less) experiences as myself... and we got to talk through them.
I do think I've noticed that I am less full of myself these days and willing to accept my own faults.
What really sent this day into the good zone was the meeting with my counselor / therapist Janice. We had a lovely conversation today. Even she said that I looked better from last week. :-) I'm quite pleased by that bit of information. I feel better than last week.
We talked about my past week. (DUH!) My meetings. My potential upcoming gig. (Left another message on that one!) And, well, pretty much everything else that was on my mind obviously. She's pleased with the blog. She's pleased some of you are reading it. And, she thinks it's an honest/safe way of getting my thoughts out to the world without reverting to the booze. I agreed.
I voiced my displeasure with the past two meetings, but she did say that it will happen from time to time. There's nothing I can do about it. She also acknowledged the fact that our topic was so extremely open-ended... no wonder it turned into a "who-could-beat-whom-judgmental-spotting-contest."
That was but a brief moment of our time together. It was a good meeting. No, a really great meeting. The Boomtown Rats may have once sang, "I Don't Like Mondays." but I do. I like this new group I found and I adore my time with Janice on Mondays. I feel 100% better having attended.
To clip a small portion of today's reflection: "With the key of willingness, my worries and fears are powerfully transformed into serenity."
I can smile and be serene today. Tomorrow... who can say... right, guys?! ;-)
Just kidding. One day at a time. Just happen to be having a really good day and wanted to gloat about it. (Counselor/Therapist's orders!!) So much for doctor / patient confidentiality, eh? LOL.
I had a fantastic meeting earlier today. It was another session about our willingness to give up pride and self-will. I broke up into an exceptional group of folks who had the same (more or less) experiences as myself... and we got to talk through them.
I do think I've noticed that I am less full of myself these days and willing to accept my own faults.
What really sent this day into the good zone was the meeting with my counselor / therapist Janice. We had a lovely conversation today. Even she said that I looked better from last week. :-) I'm quite pleased by that bit of information. I feel better than last week.
We talked about my past week. (DUH!) My meetings. My potential upcoming gig. (Left another message on that one!) And, well, pretty much everything else that was on my mind obviously. She's pleased with the blog. She's pleased some of you are reading it. And, she thinks it's an honest/safe way of getting my thoughts out to the world without reverting to the booze. I agreed.
I voiced my displeasure with the past two meetings, but she did say that it will happen from time to time. There's nothing I can do about it. She also acknowledged the fact that our topic was so extremely open-ended... no wonder it turned into a "who-could-beat-whom-judgmental-spotting-contest."
That was but a brief moment of our time together. It was a good meeting. No, a really great meeting. The Boomtown Rats may have once sang, "I Don't Like Mondays." but I do. I like this new group I found and I adore my time with Janice on Mondays. I feel 100% better having attended.
To clip a small portion of today's reflection: "With the key of willingness, my worries and fears are powerfully transformed into serenity."
I can smile and be serene today. Tomorrow... who can say... right, guys?! ;-)
Just kidding. One day at a time. Just happen to be having a really good day and wanted to gloat about it. (Counselor/Therapist's orders!!) So much for doctor / patient confidentiality, eh? LOL.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Weekend - March 5 & 6 , 2016 - Judgement and an open meeting.
I think from this point forward, I am going to combine Saturday / Sunday meetings... I am on the cusp of a job, pending the Overlords... so weekends might become tentative.
Wow! What to say about Saturday's meeting without sounding like the EXACT topic they were discussing... standing in judgment of those in front of you. This topic took a while to gain traction, but it became a slapstick comedy of about 40+ men telling everyone else how they stand in judgment of everyone sitting in front of them.
Anything I can say about that meeting any further would just be me myself acting the same... meaning me standing in judgment of those people in front of me. What was the point?! I am in a sincerely positive frame of mind right now... and am trying...with all my being... to be good.
Did I stand in judgment of those guys? YES! But, time to let that sh!t go.
Today, Sunday, was an open meeting. My dearest wife attended with me. She got some insights into the whole Al-Anon side of things. That's pretty cool, but I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SELFISH!! (Still, pretty cool.)
This is probably the weakest blog post I've ever made here, as I'm not sure what to actually talk about. If I weigh in on the previous, I become victim of the main complaint. I can't blog about the Al-Anon side of thing as I am the cause of it all. I cannot speak about the latter, as I am not in that spot.
Looking forward to tomorrow's meeting with Janice... just so I can see how to shake off this entire past weekend of meetings. I swear, they weren't bad, they were just a little less than I was used to/expecting.
Didn't drink, though...so... I will take a win where I can. :)
Wow! What to say about Saturday's meeting without sounding like the EXACT topic they were discussing... standing in judgment of those in front of you. This topic took a while to gain traction, but it became a slapstick comedy of about 40+ men telling everyone else how they stand in judgment of everyone sitting in front of them.
Anything I can say about that meeting any further would just be me myself acting the same... meaning me standing in judgment of those people in front of me. What was the point?! I am in a sincerely positive frame of mind right now... and am trying...with all my being... to be good.
Did I stand in judgment of those guys? YES! But, time to let that sh!t go.
Today, Sunday, was an open meeting. My dearest wife attended with me. She got some insights into the whole Al-Anon side of things. That's pretty cool, but I KNOW I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE SELFISH!! (Still, pretty cool.)
This is probably the weakest blog post I've ever made here, as I'm not sure what to actually talk about. If I weigh in on the previous, I become victim of the main complaint. I can't blog about the Al-Anon side of thing as I am the cause of it all. I cannot speak about the latter, as I am not in that spot.
Looking forward to tomorrow's meeting with Janice... just so I can see how to shake off this entire past weekend of meetings. I swear, they weren't bad, they were just a little less than I was used to/expecting.
Didn't drink, though...so... I will take a win where I can. :)
Friday, March 4, 2016
March 4, 2016 - ADDENDUM - Laughter & Cooking Sober Again
Those of us going to meetings have heard dozens and dozens of stories where a member will ask the group, "I came in for the first few times, and I couldn't figure out what they were all laughing about. This isn't supposed to be fun."
I get the laughter now. I've been around so many different/diverse tables in the past 30+ days, getting to know new people and in return getting to be known by them, we can have actual conversations prior to and after meetings. There's also a little good-natured needling. To use a loose term from one of my favorite authors, Thomas Harris, I've been accepted by the herd. (In his use of the term/sentence, he meant it in a totally good way.) It all comes down to acceptance. I can laugh again.
COOKING SOBER
Anyone who knows me knows that I adore cooking. I like to think I do it well. I "marginally" follow recipes. I tweak and customize here and there, but the problem is... I don't write those tweaks down and cannot recreate a dish at a latter date. This drives me crazy.
I made one HELL of smoked rib/pork butt rub back in my drinking days that I utterly love. It's all dry ingredients. I am running out of it... and I have no earthly clue how to recreate it. I've tasted it with sober taste-buds and can't figure out WTF I used! It's driving me crazy... but I'm not going back to that frame of mind to try and recreate it.
There were mornings/days/nights during my "banner" times that I would totally screw up the simplest of meals. Why? I'd been drinking. It's not hard to make a freaking quesadilla or simple hash browns.. yet when I'd had too many (which was almost always)... I managed to. How I managed to successfully make two separate deep fried turkeys without causing massive harm to myself or burning down the house, I will never know.
Thankfully, things are much better now! It's been an utter delight to be in the kitchen again. I've been goofing around with some things, and it feels SO MUCH BETTER doing it with a clean head.
APPARENTLY at one of the newer meetings I went to I missed a chili cook-off! GASP! Are you kidding me? I make a DYNAMITE crock pot, stove pot of chili. So sad I missed that. In one of the cookbooks we received during my separation, there is a suggestion for replacing beer in a recipe with equal portions of apple juice and water. I haven't tried it yet on my own personal recipe, but am going to certainly give it a whirl!
If it works out, I may share "SOME" secrets... your chili recipes are you own. Hit me up on the comments or email side of things with your version. ;-)
I get the laughter now. I've been around so many different/diverse tables in the past 30+ days, getting to know new people and in return getting to be known by them, we can have actual conversations prior to and after meetings. There's also a little good-natured needling. To use a loose term from one of my favorite authors, Thomas Harris, I've been accepted by the herd. (In his use of the term/sentence, he meant it in a totally good way.) It all comes down to acceptance. I can laugh again.
COOKING SOBER
Anyone who knows me knows that I adore cooking. I like to think I do it well. I "marginally" follow recipes. I tweak and customize here and there, but the problem is... I don't write those tweaks down and cannot recreate a dish at a latter date. This drives me crazy.
I made one HELL of smoked rib/pork butt rub back in my drinking days that I utterly love. It's all dry ingredients. I am running out of it... and I have no earthly clue how to recreate it. I've tasted it with sober taste-buds and can't figure out WTF I used! It's driving me crazy... but I'm not going back to that frame of mind to try and recreate it.
There were mornings/days/nights during my "banner" times that I would totally screw up the simplest of meals. Why? I'd been drinking. It's not hard to make a freaking quesadilla or simple hash browns.. yet when I'd had too many (which was almost always)... I managed to. How I managed to successfully make two separate deep fried turkeys without causing massive harm to myself or burning down the house, I will never know.
Thankfully, things are much better now! It's been an utter delight to be in the kitchen again. I've been goofing around with some things, and it feels SO MUCH BETTER doing it with a clean head.
APPARENTLY at one of the newer meetings I went to I missed a chili cook-off! GASP! Are you kidding me? I make a DYNAMITE crock pot, stove pot of chili. So sad I missed that. In one of the cookbooks we received during my separation, there is a suggestion for replacing beer in a recipe with equal portions of apple juice and water. I haven't tried it yet on my own personal recipe, but am going to certainly give it a whirl!
If it works out, I may share "SOME" secrets... your chili recipes are you own. Hit me up on the comments or email side of things with your version. ;-)
March 4, 2016 - 50th Post - Growth and Continuous Effort
Hey gang! I have to say the St. David's group is rapidly becoming my favorite group (if I haven't already blathered on and on about them) as they are a very nice diverse cross section of ages and days/weeks/months/years of sobriety.
Today's topic was a willingness to change for the better and to continue to attain growth. If I remember today's reading correctly, continuous growth requires continuous effort. (Something like that.) I spoke about it in the subgroup I got assigned to.
I've got the willingness to change bit down pat by now. Each and every day I am working on the continuous effort portion. It's quite a bit better than my first round of this program. I am going to associate that with the new folks I am seeing regularly. Our meeting was a little shorter than usual today as everyone had their say.
According to Blogger, this is officially my 50th post. Once again, thanks to those that I can see accessing the blog and sending emails. We're in this together. You've become part of my higher power, whether you like it or not.
Side-note: I have one of those paw print magnetic decals over my gas tank. I came out of the meeting earlier today and thought that someone had stolen it. No, moron. A virtually identical make/model/color Ford Fusion parked next to Fury One. That's what I call the Fusion. (A Doctor Who reference virtually no one will get.) I was about to freak when I got closer and just had to laugh.
Speaking of laughing, I do believe I promised you an entry on that topic. Let me post #50, walk the dog and see if I can crank out an addendum before the wife gets home and we have to go do taxes.... boooo!
One day at a time, my friends!
Today's topic was a willingness to change for the better and to continue to attain growth. If I remember today's reading correctly, continuous growth requires continuous effort. (Something like that.) I spoke about it in the subgroup I got assigned to.
I've got the willingness to change bit down pat by now. Each and every day I am working on the continuous effort portion. It's quite a bit better than my first round of this program. I am going to associate that with the new folks I am seeing regularly. Our meeting was a little shorter than usual today as everyone had their say.
According to Blogger, this is officially my 50th post. Once again, thanks to those that I can see accessing the blog and sending emails. We're in this together. You've become part of my higher power, whether you like it or not.
Side-note: I have one of those paw print magnetic decals over my gas tank. I came out of the meeting earlier today and thought that someone had stolen it. No, moron. A virtually identical make/model/color Ford Fusion parked next to Fury One. That's what I call the Fusion. (A Doctor Who reference virtually no one will get.) I was about to freak when I got closer and just had to laugh.
Speaking of laughing, I do believe I promised you an entry on that topic. Let me post #50, walk the dog and see if I can crank out an addendum before the wife gets home and we have to go do taxes.... boooo!
One day at a time, my friends!
Thursday, March 3, 2016
March 3, 2016 - Overcoming Self Will and Sister Sledge
We didn't get as much snow as predicted here in Chicagoland, so that was nice. Pretty easy to drive into the Fellowship Meeting. This one is a little different for me as it generally consists of people older than me, with far different backstories to tell, yet as in the spirit of the Program/Brotherhood, no one minds pasty little me. We share laughs. (Mental note to share a bit about the laughter in a separate post. Maybe later/maybe tomorrow.) It's sweet.
I know some of the faces and some of the names, so that's always nice. I see of those same faces usually at Sunday meetings.
ANYHOOTS... overcoming self-will and selfishness was the major topic. We didn't have to split up into groups. The general take-away I got from today's meeting was trying to let go of the sheer guilt associated with both of those topics. It's oddly coinciding with what my therapist/counselor Janice has been saying. I already mentioned she wants me to think of me more often... that's hard. But by doing that, doesn't that still make me self-willed and selfish? She'll say no. "You've got take care of yourself."
But my main take-away from today was pride. If I may quote from today's reflection:
"Today I have been given the gift, through the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, of practicing the Steps and Traditions in my daily life, of my group and sponsor, and the capacity— if I so choose—to put my pride aside in all situations which arise in my life. Until I could honestly look at myself and see that I was the problem in many situations and react appropriately inside and out; until I could discard my expectations and understand that my serenity was directly proportional to them, I could not experience serenity and sound sobriety." (The underlined bit was my editorial commentary.)
Touche.
This very lovely African American woman named "J"... said we were all a family. 'Granted' (my word, not her's) not a perfect family, but whose is, but a family nonetheless. We all found time to come out to meet, to share and to deal with it. We're all brothers and sisters working toward one common goal. (THOSE were her words.)
I DID say... hey wait a second... isn't that Sister Sledge?! My only response was a beautiful and hysterical smile. :-) "Ya' got me."
And, if We Are A Family isn't an ear worm in your head right now... then I am not the writer/former evil radio DJ I thought I once was.
Good meeting.
I know some of the faces and some of the names, so that's always nice. I see of those same faces usually at Sunday meetings.
ANYHOOTS... overcoming self-will and selfishness was the major topic. We didn't have to split up into groups. The general take-away I got from today's meeting was trying to let go of the sheer guilt associated with both of those topics. It's oddly coinciding with what my therapist/counselor Janice has been saying. I already mentioned she wants me to think of me more often... that's hard. But by doing that, doesn't that still make me self-willed and selfish? She'll say no. "You've got take care of yourself."
But my main take-away from today was pride. If I may quote from today's reflection:
"Today I have been given the gift, through the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, of practicing the Steps and Traditions in my daily life, of my group and sponsor, and the capacity— if I so choose—to put my pride aside in all situations which arise in my life. Until I could honestly look at myself and see that I was the problem in many situations and react appropriately inside and out; until I could discard my expectations and understand that my serenity was directly proportional to them, I could not experience serenity and sound sobriety." (The underlined bit was my editorial commentary.)
Touche.
This very lovely African American woman named "J"... said we were all a family. 'Granted' (my word, not her's) not a perfect family, but whose is, but a family nonetheless. We all found time to come out to meet, to share and to deal with it. We're all brothers and sisters working toward one common goal. (THOSE were her words.)
I DID say... hey wait a second... isn't that Sister Sledge?! My only response was a beautiful and hysterical smile. :-) "Ya' got me."
And, if We Are A Family isn't an ear worm in your head right now... then I am not the writer/former evil radio DJ I thought I once was.
Good meeting.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Wednesday - March 2, 2016 - Hope and Acceptance
Big meeting. Huge meeting. Lots of people, but as it was in a church, they had plenty of rooms for us once we split up into individual groups.
Before we broke off into groups they did the usual readings. When topic time came around no one really said anything, so it was initially going to be about the daily reflection, until a new person to this group suggested acceptance, so we had two we could discuss once we counted off and went with our groups.
I was in the 4th group and was pleased to see my new friend Ruth was there. Such a sweet lady.
The Reflection for today was Hope. Here's the actual reading:
"Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of fulfilling my potential is in acknowledging my limitations and believing that time is a gift, not a threat.
Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road."
I really related to discouragement, unrealistic expectations, self-pity and fatigue.... not to mention thinking I could accomplish this thing fast. It can never be fast. So, I wasn't really surprised when a few of the others my group said they felt the same thing.
I need to take it slow. I need to embrace not picking up that first drink, as it only ever caused me and those that I love pain. I'd rather live with hope.
The acceptance bit was merely our acknowledging the fact that we were all alcoholics around that table, and that it's not necessary to be one of those people who can quote the Big Book by pages, verses and messages. One of the guys said that and we all sort of chuckled. So, it boils down to not picking up that first drink. With that we/I will find hope. I'm trying my best on the discouragement, unrealistic expectations and self-pity.
Every morning, I shut off the television when Stef leaves. Wait a few moments in the quietness of the house and I do my morning prayer and mediation. Then I get ready for the closest/best meeting for me. I do an evening prayer and a final meditation as well after I've done some reading. Currently reading "We All Fall Down" by Nic Sheff. His is a companion piece to his father David's books.
Nic's book is more about him being a meth and heroin addict, but his descriptions of being an addict really mirror those of alcoholics. Good read so far.
An older woman at today's meeting described what we go through as an allergy. She stated some people have nut allergies. Eat a nut, you could die. (Stef has a starberry allergy and got supremely sick. DAMN YOU FRUIT LOOPS FOR NOT MENTIONING THEM ON YOUR LABEL!)
With us, it was agreed we had an allergy to alcohol. If this sh!t is going to kill us, we do what normal people with allergies do... avoid the allergen! I liked that one.
I got wordy today, but then I missed a meeting yesterday... good thing too... I nearly broke my skull yesterday walking the dog and again today getting into the car at home, and at the church parking lot.
Anway. Thanks for reading, as always. One day at a time!
I'm feeling hopeful, or at least starting to. ;-)
Before we broke off into groups they did the usual readings. When topic time came around no one really said anything, so it was initially going to be about the daily reflection, until a new person to this group suggested acceptance, so we had two we could discuss once we counted off and went with our groups.
I was in the 4th group and was pleased to see my new friend Ruth was there. Such a sweet lady.
The Reflection for today was Hope. Here's the actual reading:
HOPE
Do not be discouraged.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60
"Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of fulfilling my potential is in acknowledging my limitations and believing that time is a gift, not a threat.
Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road."
I really related to discouragement, unrealistic expectations, self-pity and fatigue.... not to mention thinking I could accomplish this thing fast. It can never be fast. So, I wasn't really surprised when a few of the others my group said they felt the same thing.
I need to take it slow. I need to embrace not picking up that first drink, as it only ever caused me and those that I love pain. I'd rather live with hope.
The acceptance bit was merely our acknowledging the fact that we were all alcoholics around that table, and that it's not necessary to be one of those people who can quote the Big Book by pages, verses and messages. One of the guys said that and we all sort of chuckled. So, it boils down to not picking up that first drink. With that we/I will find hope. I'm trying my best on the discouragement, unrealistic expectations and self-pity.
Every morning, I shut off the television when Stef leaves. Wait a few moments in the quietness of the house and I do my morning prayer and mediation. Then I get ready for the closest/best meeting for me. I do an evening prayer and a final meditation as well after I've done some reading. Currently reading "We All Fall Down" by Nic Sheff. His is a companion piece to his father David's books.
Nic's book is more about him being a meth and heroin addict, but his descriptions of being an addict really mirror those of alcoholics. Good read so far.
An older woman at today's meeting described what we go through as an allergy. She stated some people have nut allergies. Eat a nut, you could die. (Stef has a starberry allergy and got supremely sick. DAMN YOU FRUIT LOOPS FOR NOT MENTIONING THEM ON YOUR LABEL!)
With us, it was agreed we had an allergy to alcohol. If this sh!t is going to kill us, we do what normal people with allergies do... avoid the allergen! I liked that one.
I got wordy today, but then I missed a meeting yesterday... good thing too... I nearly broke my skull yesterday walking the dog and again today getting into the car at home, and at the church parking lot.
Anway. Thanks for reading, as always. One day at a time!
I'm feeling hopeful, or at least starting to. ;-)
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
March 1, 2016 - Jimmy Bueller's Day Off
I'm taking Janice's advise today and beginning to do some little things for myself. I didn't intend on avoiding a meeting today, but the weather is for sh!t today. I was going to pull in the trash/recycle bins, but the driveway is a complete sheet of (formerly) black ice. It's now mostly covered in snow... but the ice waits beneath!
I just took the Eskie out and it's a slippery mess out there. If I am not mistaken I saw a red and black bus just pull up to our neighborhood... and can clearly see Johnathon Towes and Patrick Kane in our driveway doing warm-ups as I type... yes, it's that slick out there.
ANYHOOTS... I thought I would do something fun, so I made a cream of broccoli soup using only items we already had in the house. I'm steaming a head of broccoli later tonight for dinner, and as they come in pairs from where we buy them... I used the one that was on its last stalk so to speak. I'm also clearing out a few pantry items. Double bonus!
That was fun. Just doing something totally simplistic for a recipe and hemming/hawing over what to add. I chose the lesser avenue and stopped fussing over it. I think it turned out pretty well. Granted, I haven't added the milk portion yet (as we don't have cream or half-and-half in the house)... but from what I tasted so far... not too shabby.
I guess what I'm ultimately saying is that I just wanted to take a day off. I've been doing so many things lately. It was just really fun to come back in after walking the dog to smelling a kitchen that sort of reminded me of my days in France.
All of that out of a simple soup. Go figure.
Back to the normal meeting tomorrow. For now... I've got some parmesan chicken, steamed broccoli and probably a potato or two to get ready for later.
If this soup does turn out, I will post the recipe. Back in the old Blogger days I had one where I would share recipes and photos. Let me try and figure out how to do that again! :-)
I just took the Eskie out and it's a slippery mess out there. If I am not mistaken I saw a red and black bus just pull up to our neighborhood... and can clearly see Johnathon Towes and Patrick Kane in our driveway doing warm-ups as I type... yes, it's that slick out there.
ANYHOOTS... I thought I would do something fun, so I made a cream of broccoli soup using only items we already had in the house. I'm steaming a head of broccoli later tonight for dinner, and as they come in pairs from where we buy them... I used the one that was on its last stalk so to speak. I'm also clearing out a few pantry items. Double bonus!
That was fun. Just doing something totally simplistic for a recipe and hemming/hawing over what to add. I chose the lesser avenue and stopped fussing over it. I think it turned out pretty well. Granted, I haven't added the milk portion yet (as we don't have cream or half-and-half in the house)... but from what I tasted so far... not too shabby.
I guess what I'm ultimately saying is that I just wanted to take a day off. I've been doing so many things lately. It was just really fun to come back in after walking the dog to smelling a kitchen that sort of reminded me of my days in France.
All of that out of a simple soup. Go figure.
Back to the normal meeting tomorrow. For now... I've got some parmesan chicken, steamed broccoli and probably a potato or two to get ready for later.
If this soup does turn out, I will post the recipe. Back in the old Blogger days I had one where I would share recipes and photos. Let me try and figure out how to do that again! :-)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)