Before we broke off into groups they did the usual readings. When topic time came around no one really said anything, so it was initially going to be about the daily reflection, until a new person to this group suggested acceptance, so we had two we could discuss once we counted off and went with our groups.
I was in the 4th group and was pleased to see my new friend Ruth was there. Such a sweet lady.
The Reflection for today was Hope. Here's the actual reading:
HOPE
Do not be discouraged.
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60
"Few experiences are of less value to me than fast sobriety. Too many times discouragement has been the bonus for unrealistic expectations, not to mention self-pity or fatigue from my wanting to change the world by the weekend. Discouragement is a warning signal that I may have wandered across the God line. The secret of fulfilling my potential is in acknowledging my limitations and believing that time is a gift, not a threat.
Hope is the key that unlocks the door of discouragement. The program promises me that if I do not pick up the first drink today, I will always have hope. Having come to believe that I keep what I share, every time I encourage, I receive courage. It is with others that, with the grace of God and the Fellowship of A.A., I trudge the road of happy destiny. May I always remember that the power within me is far greater than any fear before me. May I always have patience, for I am on the right road."
I really related to discouragement, unrealistic expectations, self-pity and fatigue.... not to mention thinking I could accomplish this thing fast. It can never be fast. So, I wasn't really surprised when a few of the others my group said they felt the same thing.
I need to take it slow. I need to embrace not picking up that first drink, as it only ever caused me and those that I love pain. I'd rather live with hope.
The acceptance bit was merely our acknowledging the fact that we were all alcoholics around that table, and that it's not necessary to be one of those people who can quote the Big Book by pages, verses and messages. One of the guys said that and we all sort of chuckled. So, it boils down to not picking up that first drink. With that we/I will find hope. I'm trying my best on the discouragement, unrealistic expectations and self-pity.
Every morning, I shut off the television when Stef leaves. Wait a few moments in the quietness of the house and I do my morning prayer and mediation. Then I get ready for the closest/best meeting for me. I do an evening prayer and a final meditation as well after I've done some reading. Currently reading "We All Fall Down" by Nic Sheff. His is a companion piece to his father David's books.
Nic's book is more about him being a meth and heroin addict, but his descriptions of being an addict really mirror those of alcoholics. Good read so far.
An older woman at today's meeting described what we go through as an allergy. She stated some people have nut allergies. Eat a nut, you could die. (Stef has a starberry allergy and got supremely sick. DAMN YOU FRUIT LOOPS FOR NOT MENTIONING THEM ON YOUR LABEL!)
With us, it was agreed we had an allergy to alcohol. If this sh!t is going to kill us, we do what normal people with allergies do... avoid the allergen! I liked that one.
I got wordy today, but then I missed a meeting yesterday... good thing too... I nearly broke my skull yesterday walking the dog and again today getting into the car at home, and at the church parking lot.
Anway. Thanks for reading, as always. One day at a time!
I'm feeling hopeful, or at least starting to. ;-)
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