Lots of Work. No Meetings. But an Update Regardless.

I've been working the entire week, which is a good thing, and it was nice to have a five day work week.  The drawback, as mentioned in my last post, is that it cuts into my meeting attendance.  I couldn't make my normal weekday meeting time slots, so, it's been me reading my book, working on my Fourth Step and meditating in both the morning and evening.  That's been helpful.  I did attend meetings over this past weekend.  I sat with my backup sponsor Gary again, as Lyn is still out and about.  Sunday was a very good meeting with a guy whose story I could relate to regarding the hidden dangers of working from home when one is an alcoholic.  I didn't go through the sheer numbers he went through, but I did my fair share of damage.  Good meeting overall, though.


I have meetings this weekend, so that's also good.  On top of that, I have my scheduled appointment with my Psychiatrist on Wednesday before I head off to work.  I had a Doctor's appointment after work the other day.  Some of my numbers are leveling out nicely, and Dr. L mentioned that he could see my remarked improvement in my blood and urine numbers.  So, yay!  :-)


Busy, busy, busy otherwise!. 


It's the end of the month and we were inundated at work with people waiting to the absolute 11th hour before testing their vehicles before renewing their stickers.  That gamble didn't pay off today for a number of cars in my lane today.  With only one day left in the month... there were quite a number of failed vehicles... leaving them... "technically" a little under 24 hours to get the things repaired and retested.  Granted, that's not the true case... they'll probably get extensions, but they're still going to have to wait in line again... and after tomorrow... it all starts up again.


I had two interesting cars today.  One was a hearse.  That was really early this morning and I noticed that the other attendants seemed to disappear into their booths for quick cleaning and straightening, leaving my lane with a visible attendant.  It was a nice Cadillac and it wasn't like the driver opted to veer off for a test with an occupant in the back.  I don't know what their deal was.  The second car was my first one with a driver in possession of one of those Alcohol-breathalyzer inhibitors installed.  The rules are that I have to call a manager out to do it.  The driver explained that there was only so much time before he turned the engine off that we could perform the test before restarting the vehicle... or some such... for whatever reason, he couldn't leave the vehicle for any amount of time, so he had to quickly rush out, head for the passenger seat and get back in... before the test could begin.  ANYHOOTS... when all was said and done, he passed.  Once he was back in the driver's seat, it was just he and I.  For a brief moment, I was going to say something in response to his don't drink and drive comment... but I thought better of it.  We're supposed to be anonymous, of course.  So, I left it alone.


Overall, the job is "ok".  It's not rocket science, but it's a paycheck at the moment.  I've had some fun customers/motorists for the most part.  I've seen some pooches in the cars I've tested.  (Three so far as of today.)  I had a lovely African American woman order her son to give me a piece of fried chicken from the box he was holding in the passenger seat.  (No can do, I said.  But I did tell little Darnell that he could have my piece.)  That was funny.  The skunk over my the railroad tracks this morning was not, though.  The smell finally let up around ten a.m.


So, that's at least a small update on what's been going on.  I'll post more after my upcoming weekend meetings.


One Day at a Time.

The Other Meaning of AA and Work

Oh, wow!  I've been busy.  What was it that my dearest of friends John Webb used to say?  I'm busier than a beaver with two tails.


I attended meetings earlier in the week, but I also had to work.  The new gig is exactly that... a gig.  BUT... I have to say that I'm getting better at the actual gig.  I've presently lucked out with hours this week and next.  I'm doing the 7:30AM start time.  I can get into a comfortable groove with that sort of start time. 


It does, however, put something of a crunch on my meetings.  I did attend my standard weekend meetings.  Saturday wasn't anything out of the ordinary that I can recall... looking back on it on a Thursday, mind you.  Sunday was a good meeting.  No... strike that... a great meeting.  We had a fantastic speaker.  On Monday I was able to attend my usual St. David's gathering.  It was nice to see Tom back in the fold.  Tuesday was my day off, so I was able to go to what might've been my last meeting over in Geneva. 


THAT meeting was interesting as we don't often get a speaker.  On Tuesday we did.  It was an older gentleman by the name of Dan and he was celebrating fifteen (15) years sober.  GOOD FOR HIM!  He was the person who coined part of today's header... 'the other meaning of AA'...


Dan said that it stood for Assholes with an Attitude.


OK... guilty as charged... but I am doing much better!!! 


Like I said, it's somewhat unusual to have a speaker at those Geneva meetings.  But, being that close to the courthouse... it might not be a bad idea.  Still... a good meeting.


The rest of my week (and as of the time of this typing) have been spent at work.  I'm comfortable with the gig.  I do have a few issues with it stepping over my usual meeting schedule.  But... it will all work itself out in the end.  Maybe not next week as I have an entire week of 7:30 start times. 


I have appointments scheduled with both my regular Doctor and my Psychiatrist... so that will still need to be addressed... but both should be happy with my current state of being/mind.  YAY!


I remain...


One Day at a Time.  :)

Two Topics Today

It was really nice to attend my usual Saturday meeting earlier this morning.  I got to touch base with my backup sponsor Gary, as Lyn is still out of town, and I got to share in the Cubbie gloating with Cliff.  :)  I also got to share a few moments with my friend from Residential, Andy.  I always smile when I see him... as does he.  He and I would be MEGA friends offline, apart from the program, but I don't know how... or even IF he'd accept that modicum of friendship.  But it's still nice to get a hearty hello, handshake and hug from him.  It makes the time in Residential worthwhile.  BUT ANYHOOTS...


The meeting started off in the standard manner.  Closed meetings... (I hope I'm not repeating myself)... are not like the usual meetings.  There are a number of additional readings that need to be addressed, announcements that need to be made, and the odd ritual of everyone in the room stating their name and reason for being there.  Fair enough.


Once we got through that bit and the passing of the basket (next week I will finally have funds to actually contribute)... we got on to business.  The reading this morning was "Freedom From Fear"... fear of lapsing, fear of those around us... fear of just about everything that rattles around in our heads.  No one really latched onto that topic, but leave to our old pal Will to come up with a good one.  Love & Acceptance.  He shared a story about something that had recently happened with his "significant other", as he put it. 


The conversation sky-rocketed into that tangent and that was cool.  Then... 25 minutes into our discussion, my least favorite person, Crazy Tom, burst through the door.  He did not one, but two orbits around the room before finding a seat.  I was so busy chatting with sub-sponsor Gary that I didn't realize the seat next to me was empty, so... my Higher Power was giving me an opportunity to actually exercise love and acceptance.  Crazy Tom... (and I really ought to STOP referring to him as such...) sat next to us.  We weren't a dozen or so sentences into Will's thought when he started speaking.  Under normal circumstances I'd have gone all Tasmanian Devil on that... but I was in the meeting 'zone', I guess.


He spoke for nearly ten minutes and I'll be damned (too late!) if I or the room knew what he was talking about.  I don't think there was a single verb/transitional clause in his entire rant... but I let it go.  I knew my Higher Power was testing me.  The circumstances were just TOO CONVENIENT!  He did get up about four times to refill his coffee and see if there were any sweets to be had.  I let all of that go, too.  If that were still Iggy's room... there'd have been f-ing Pop-Tarts or fruit in the room!  I've made a mental note to send an e-mail to Iggy out in Syracuse.  He shouldn't be too hard to find in their registry.  I thought he might like to know a marginal success story... if he even remembers me.


I thought at one point I'd have an entire cup of coffee spilt on me as Tom was shaking so bad and having his own internal conversations... but that didn't happen.  We ran exceptionally long as one man waited till the very last moment to start crying for five minutes before getting to the crux of his issue... I guess he got fired earlier in the week and woke up this morning mentally cursing his higher power for it.  This would've been a great topic to start the session with... but he was emotional and everyone took a step back to let him vent. 


In the meantime, as he was telling us all of this, Tom managed to disassemble his sunglasses and one of the lenses fell next to my sneaker.  I picked it up and handed it back to him as anyone would do.  I didn't realize it was a bonding moment.  When the session ended and we did the Lord's Prayer, Tom made it a point to find me and made sure I held his hand.  (Clearly MY higher power speaking to me.)   Did I do it?  Yes.  Did I go to the men's room and clean my hand from his shaking sweaty hand?  Yes.  So... I'm doing marginally better at love and acceptance.  Given the circumstances... I think I did well.


Got a snuggly huggly from Gary before I left.  Fist bumped Cliff over the aforementioned Cubbie miracle.  :)


We shall see what tomorrow's meeting brings.  It's nice to (currently) not to have to work weekends.  On the plus side... I start late on Monday... so I can attend my morning meeting then! 


One Day at a Time!  :)

Back in the Swing of Things

It was really nice to be able to attend an actual meeting this morning.  I've been in job training and have had an actual full day of working, so my attendance at meetings has been lapse since the weekend.  As I said, it was nice to be back in one today.


Today's topic was about meetings in general and how we (as a group) do indeed help one another.  Wednesdays are big groups and it was (once again) nice to be able to share with the assembled gang.  I'm doing much better at that part... and given that I probably won't see my psychiatrist for the next  week or so... it was nice to have familiar faces to chat with.


The new gig is going well so far.  I will just take it like all else in my life...


One Day at a Time.


I did very much like today's prayer message:


I pray that with more power in my life will come more faith. I pray that I may come to trust God more each day.


OK... I'm working on that whole faith portion... but... my morning and evening meditations have been incredibly better as of late!  Good thing!!!  :)

Where Does 15 Years Go?

It's a sorta-kinda similar day today in Illinois as it was back fifteen years ago. Weird that the Bears season starts today as well. There was some sort of gathering at the Police Department on my way in to my Sunday AA meeting. It was packed up by the time the meeting was over. We talked a little about 9-11 after the meeting. It just seems so surreal that it's been fifteen years already! I will always remember that hotdog in between the two towers. I personally get a little maudlin every year at this time. But still... never ever forget.

Amends and a Much Needed Meeting

I'm really liking September meetings as they're currently leaning towards working on making amends. It's nice to sit inside meetings and have some really fantastic friends share their stories. This morning, I sat next to the single coolest person I know in AA. (Will.) Discussion today leaned itself towards our making amends. I am truly about five steps away from that actual step, but it was nice to hear how HARD it's been for other members. I've been in job training the past several days, so it was nice to attend an actual meeting this morning. I am hopeful for tomorrow, Sunday. I'm very happy to have actual hours to work in this upcoming week. More on this as it develops...

Amends and Catechism

Oh, boy.. do I have some days to reconcile... There was the holiday weekend and then my first day in training for the new gig. But let's go back shortly in time to discuss my weekend meetings. Saturday was nice as I got a few minutes to speak with Lyn. Granted, he told me that he'd be gone for the next couple of weeks... but still... a good talk. Saturday's topic involved "making my life better"... and I'm in perpetual motion for 'making my life better'. I don't see any of that calming itself any time soon... but still... a good meeting regardless. Sunday's was the first of the month Al-Anon / AA combo meeting. While they're good meetings all around... can we please EQUALLY share the time parameters?!? The Al-Anon people tend to speak longer than they should. (Meh. Small complaint, I guess.) Monday, Labor Day, was a good meeting. The topic was making amends to people we only ever had a "brief" encounter with. (Amends with casual people we may have wronged.) I would need the Loop's 50,000 watt transmitter to apologize to those people I hurt during my mega-drinking days! There aren't enough watts on the planet to apologize to Stef... and I didn't really have a moment on the holiday to apologize to her cousins and extended family. It was probably wise as there were other things going on... and my personal crap is the LEAST of their worries... so... I sign off with nothing major to say apart from... my catechism is me working on my life, my one serious relationship, and my one daily prayer that I be a better person than as I started... does that make sense?

After Care. The Shingles Return. The Fusion. Today's Meeting

After Care went well, so I'm going to start there. Jim and I had a lot of topics to cover, and we managed to get to most of them in our time together. It helps that he's in AA also, but his support is obviously psychiatric first, then he offers other AA support as needed. He was happy that I still managed to attend meetings over the weekend, and told me that I could also call him at any time if I need to. That was good to know. My homework is to revisit the first three steps and work on them more intensely, but also to keep working on my fourth step, but steps one through three require more urgent attention at the moment.




I woke up yesterday feeling a little off, but I chalked that up to the weather. I thought it was just the rain. When I got into the shower before heading off to see Jim, I noticed that the Shingles had returned. Yahoo. They're pretty brutal this time. It's on the same side and in the same area as last time, but it's a much more ugly shade of red and hurt worse than before. I was fortunate enough to still have one last pill on hand, so I was able to at least get that going right away. I was also lucky that I still had refills, so I phoned that in before my appointment. I had to pick up other meds at the same location anyway, so I got them all at the same time. I hope it clears up as quickly as last time. We'll see.




The Fusion is in the shop for some much needed brake work. It's also been leaking fluid onto the driveway and was told by Russ our mechanic that it's not oil, but the transmission line. Apparently it had rusted through. It did shift funny on my way back home yesterday. So, we dropped it off at our normal place for the brakes first thing this morning. He's going to drive it over to another place for the transmission, as Russ doesn't do that sort of work in his shop. We're hopeful to have this back by Friday. Otherwise that could make Tuesday a little more interesting.


I dropped Stef off for work and drove her car home and hopped into the shower, so I had time to make my Wednesday meeting. This is the big one that usually breaks off into four separate groups for further discussion. I've been sharing more at meetings these days and I spoke earlier today about my disappointment in myself and my behavior. The folks in the group said some of the usual things that are said at most closed meeting like "Keep coming back." "One day at a time." It was nice to hear "It gets better." It was also nice to get hugs from people I really don't know that well, but who were there to lend me support when I was done speaking. That helped along with my appointment with Jim yesterday.


That's about it for now. I'm still working One Day at a Time.


Nothing overly funny to post picture-wise. I just wanted to share this fan art someone did for the late Gene Wilder. I said for years that Willy Wonka was clearly a Time Lord. A permanent home on this blog seemed like as good a place as any to keep it in perpetuity.

Regeneration. It's a Lottery.

I thought Stef might need a little pooch love/support today.  This looks so sweet!  (And bacon fits in anywhere... any day of the week... at any time.  Right, Teggie?)

For Norma and Stef

It's been a trying weekend here.  Stef lost her mother last night.  I suppose the only thing I can say is that she and her husband are together again.  It's hard to accurately convey thoughts at a time like this.  Stef needs me.  And I am there for her.  There aren't enough hugs or words in the world to comfort her at the moment.


So the things I thought that might've been "cute" about today's meeting lay on the side of the road in lieu of personal matters.  It was a good meeting to be fair.  The speaker and I were wearing the EXACT same Hawaiian shirt.  (There.  That's the cute bit.) 


At the moment I can't think of anything else to write.  As I already said... not enough words/actions.  I will try and make her something nice for dinner and just simply be there for her.


Until then, here's a lovely photo of her with her parents in happier days.  It's a small gesture as I type this, but I don't know what else to do at the moment.


I love you all and I am so incredibly sorry for our loss.

God, that man could eat.  :)  I miss that.  As I will miss your mom.

I'm Lovestruck Baby.

I really should've gone to that show.  A fixed point in time (JEBUS!  26 years) that not even a Police Public Call Box can cure.


I had freaking tickets in my hand courtesy of the radio station I was working at back in the day.  I also had a full time job with Osco that put restrictions on my free time.  I figured... what the hell... why drive up to Alpine Valley, Wisconsin?  OK, sure, Robert Cray, SRV, Clapton, Buddy Guy and even Jimmie Vaughan... I can just catch them the next time they come through town.  How wrong I was!!! 


I will never ever forget that morning driving into work.  No one knew who was in that particular helicopter.  I selfishly said... "Well, Clapton, he's a legend.  What a way to go.  Cray?  A new guy on the scene.  Would the music world be that affected?  Nah.  SRV?  Oh, that would be a blow."


Like I said, this was the old Jim who still thought he was immortal.  I can't even begin to say what I felt like when one of my liquor salesmen (Chuck) came in and said that it was SRV.  I've buried a lot of my idols in my day since then... but this was the first one that really hit me hard.  I may have been alive when John Lennon was murdered, but he was just a tad bit slightly before my time.  SRV was mine.  Since then I've buried the entire original line-up of The Ramones.  Two separate members of KISS.  Another Beatle.  And my all time favorite author, Douglas Adams.  I tend to take these things with a much larger grain of salt these days.  




Still and all... your AA speech is awesome!  It's online.  Check it out if you've got a moment.  Miss you, SRV!!!

Meetings and Being Overdressed

Blogging a little late this evening, so this might be a little shorter than usual.


Saturday's meeting was kind of a downer topic-wise.  We discussed feelings of isolation and discouragement with ourselves, our higher powers and general feelings we're going through.  I don't think I feel isolated at all.  I have a nice support system in place with my wife, my sponsor and those I surround myself in meetings.  I may feel a tad bit discouraged, but that's only because I don't as much time invested in the program as much as many of the others.  Someone celebrated 36 years sober.  I guess I sort of feel discouraged that I probably won't ever get to that kind of number.  LOL.  But I will give it a darn good try.


Sunday's open meeting was with a gentleman who started drinking in/around age 5 in the late 50's grabbing his dad a bottle of beer from the fridge while dad watched TV.  He drank enough from longneck bottles until just before it was noticeable.  Things for him got rough when he was a teen and either had to face court or enter the military.  So, he soon found himself in Vietnam as a young teen where when not on patrol, the only other thing to do was drink and engage in "other" items that are used to alter the mind.  But to be fair, he's been sober since 1981, so bravo to him!


Today's meeting dealt with the first paragraph of the "How it Works" reading we do at each and every AA meeting:


"Those who do not recover are people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to be born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover, if they have the capacity to be honest."


I've been doing an infinitely better job of being honest with myself since I got out of Residence and throughout IOP and After Care.  My live conversations with Lyn, my sponsor, have helped immensely as well.


I had two employment meetings today and I was overdressed for both interviews, but that's just me complaining about the current pool of potential employees hiring folks are seeing.  The gal I saw at the temp agency was wearing flip flops and a pair of those sweatpants with the word Pink embroidered on the back.  Nice.  Not many office openings available at the moment, but they're going to keep me posted if that's going to change.


The second interview I am going to accept.  It's part time, but it certainly beats not working.  So, a win in my books.


Other than that, nothing else to report.  Just feeling a little better about things in general with the whole job front.  More on this as is warranted.


One Day at a Time.


And here's one from a new comic strip I stumbled across: