2016 - In Review - UPDATED

Well... so much to discuss.


2016 started out with me being drunk a lot of the time.  I nearly ruined my marriage early on and spent the entirety of January at my parent's house.  On the plus side, I was able to attend multiple meetings down the street in Streamwood.  Fat lot of good that did, as when I was allowed to come back home, I went straight back to my old ways.


I attended an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) for the next few weeks or so... and that went fairly well for a brief while, before, yet again, my nasty habit poked its head through.  I got sent to In Residence therapy for nearly a month, where it was sort of a men in prison atmosphere, but I was at least in a place on people also suffering from the same disease.


Once out, I was immediately put back into IOP with the guy who pretty much saved my life.  Ignatius.  I returned to his room/class/sessions and it was different that time around.  I was back in multiple meetings, I got a really good sponsor, and once IOP was done I attended After Care.  While I "wish" I could say After Care was as much of a success... I felt myself wanting more.  2016 didn't end well with my After Care therapist (as can be read here) and I am in line to find a new provider in 2017.


Apart from that stuff... I've been doing exceptionally well.  I've found some meetings that are conducive to me.  I've made some decent friends.  I've got a job... (working on improving that one!)  And, I'm not nearly as emotional as I used to be.  Considering the losses we've suffered in 2016... that is a marvel in and of itself.


I was going to do a gallery of celebs we lost in 2016... but I don't think Blogger would allow that many photos inserted into a post... so... I will just briefly go over some of the losses here:


OH MY STARS... where to begin?!?  These are in no order, but commentary will follow:


Pat Harrington  (Schneider on One Day at a Time.)  A common face growing up.
David Bowie!  (An idol.  That hurt!"
Alan Rickman!  (Another idol.  That hurt too.)
Dan Haggerty (Gizzly Adams.)  Not a huge fan, but he was a part of childhood.
Glen Frey!  (Wow!  I didn't even know he was sick!)
ABE VIGODA!  (He was supposed to be Celebrity Eternal!)
George Gaynes  (If you saw Police Academy you know him!)
George Kennedy (If you saw Airplane/Naked Gun... you know him!)
Nancy Reagan.  (Not a fan of her husband's term(s)... but still...)
Garry Shandling!  (Shocker!  Great comedian!)
Patty Duke
Prince (Not exactly his biggest fan...but wow!  That was a shocker!)
Morley Safer (TEXTBOOK anchor back in school!)
Muhammed Ali (THE GREATEST!)
Noel Neill (The original Lois Lane from early television.  She also cameoed in Christopher Reeves' first film and Brandon Routh's film.)
Gene Wilder  (How many idols can one lose in  a year?!  Too many!)
Robert Vaughan (Met him.  Got a photo with him.  Nicest actor ever!)
Arnold Palmer
Florence Henderson (America's mom!)
Fidel Castro (Not America's dad!!)
Janet Reno
Fritz Weaver (Character actor.  Did a lot of Twilight Zones and the best single story in the movie Creepshow "The Crate".)
Ron Glass (Two Barney Miller people in one year!  GASP!)
Van Williams!  (The Green Hornet... oh, C'MON!)
John Glenn (American Hero Supreme!)
Alan Thicke (I suppose we can call him America's (Canada's?) dad)
Bernard Fox (Doctor Bombay!)
Kenny Baker (R2D2)
Carrie Fisher (Shocking loss of Princess Leia.)
George Michael  (Again, not a huge fan... but wow!)
Zsa Zsa Gabor (Famous for being famous, I guess.)
Debbie Reynolds (One day after her daughter Carrie Fisher!)
<strike>Donald Trump</strike>  (Oh!  Sorry!  Ahem!)
Update:  Oh, and 2016 couldn't end without one final actor:
William Christopher (Father Mulcahey from M*A*S*H)


Iknow I've mssed far too many more!  Here's hoping for a happier 2017!


Happy New Year!


One Day at a Time!

WORTH A MENTION FOR PET OWNERS

What a Treat Today!

After a few weeks of weird-ass work schedules and equally weird-ass weather, I got to have a day off and I spent part of it at a meeting.  I'm really happy that happened.  (Not because I've had/got thoughts of drinking, mind you.)  It was just really exceptionally nice to attend.  What it being a somewhat holiday week, there was a decent sized crowd.


The topic today was about divisions and wholes.  How we, as alcoholics, lived a divided life when we were abusing, and the after-effects of what we've become now.  So:  As close as we can come to being whole.  I dug that part of the meeting.


We didn't have many newbies from the courthouse today, so I got to spend the time with folks who actually wanted to be there.  I think that's what made it nice for me. 


There were enough people to split up into two groups and we were able to share in a more enclosed environment about our "divided" issues.  It was reminiscent of my days at In Patient and I.O.P.  The bit about drinking being more important than anything else for us.  (I'm still working on my mega-wordy Year In Review post, so I will lay out that entire poo-load of TMI in a week or so, but it's coming.)  My point being here is that I (we) don't even think like that any more!  I loved that part.


Our attendance and being active at meetings contributed to the "whole" aspect.  Again, I loved that after what I feel was such a long time away.  I'd go on here more, but some of the things shared today are not mine technically to divulge.


Still and all...  


I'm in a really good place at the moment internally.  I don't give any sort of credence to those drinking thoughts.  Am I eating worse than I've ever done before?  Yes.  But one freaking obstacle at a time!  LOL!  A New Year is around the corner... I can always make... GASP!... a resolution!  I got one personal fault at bay.  Maybe I can make Chicago-style hotdogs and Gyros a resolution for 2017!)  Yeah, right.   


Fantastic group!  Fantastic topic!  Just a really, really nice day for me.  (It makes freezing to death yesterday at work worthwhile.)


SIDENOTE:  Stef got me this really cool Eskie Rescue hat as an early Christmas present which a couple of people commented on.  I had to explain that while I wasn't precisely a part of Chicagoland Eskie Rescue, I did indeed participate.  (So there's a Christmas gift well received, my love, if you're reading!)


I ran some needed errands and am about to start scallops and spinach.  What's wrong with that, right?


I remain (THANKFULLY!) One Day at a Time!  T-Minus 5 days and counting till NEW WHO!

 

(As Tom Baker Would Say...) "Well... it IS Biblically Accurate."

I did this to my wife's Xmas village/community/whatever all the time... but I added Doctor and companion figures.  It rounds it out nicely. 

Simply... THIS!

I "Believe" We Are 12 Days till Christmas

So... in lieu of anything pertinent... here's me... being me...

Snow Days and Work Days

Loads of snow here in the Chicagoland area, so it was wiser to just stay indoors and not risk driving, so no meetings attended.  My work schedule for this week isn't currently conducive to meetings, either, but I will do what I can.


All is well, though.  :-)

Trying to Stay Warm

Thank goodness for a day off.  Not only did I get to attend a meeting, but I also didn't have to deal with the current gig.  Wow!  It was (and still is!) cold outside!!


I do like my Wednesday off, though.  I get to attend the meeting at Westminster.  Those meetings are HUGE people-wise.  We break up into four separate rooms and go over the topic of the day.  Today was a little more religious than I'd normally like, but as I'm getting in touch with my higher power, not so much. 


Union of the soul.  Wow.  What a topic! As I shared earlier today, I'm in an incredibly nice place!  I make it a point to have my personal moment with my higher power each and every morning and night. 


I've set my phone to an earlier time every morning so that I can do my daily reflection and thank said higher power for not doing what was once a habit.  I also make it a point to go over the day before I go to sleep.  If I repeat myself, I apologize... but I'm in a really good place!


One Day at a Time!


Oh... and here's Captain Jack all done up in Xmas lights.  (That one is for Stef!)

Getting Used to December

So, here we are in December.  Where did the year go?


I will have a lengthy post later this month with a "year in review" post... but I will update accordingly throughout!


I'm on a weirder work schedule right now... so, my meeting posts may be sporadic. 


Till then... here are a few photos I liked and wanted to share.

Holidays Got the Better of Me

Whoo boy!  Some time got away from me what with the Thanksgiving holiday and work!  This blog took a marginal beating.  So, let's see what we can do to rectify that situation!


I had a funky schedule with the holiday, but it did allow me a chance to attend one of my more favorite AA meetings on Wednesdays.  Given that it was the day before Thanksgiving, the topic at Westminster last week was about... GASP!... what things we were thankful for!  (Where do they come up with these topics?!?)  All silliness aside, I voiced that I was, of course, thankful for being sober and for the continued love and support of Stef.


The holiday itself went off pretty well, actually.  We just had Stef's boss and husband over.  I deep fried this year.  All turned out amazingly well, even if I do say so myself.  Yes, it was a ton of work, but I can actually say with no fear of contradiction, that it was the first year I'd done it completely sober.  There wasn't even a moment throughout the entire day(s) of preparation and actual cooking, that I felt a need to do it while under the influence!  Bonus points all around for me! 


I also emailed Ignatius on that day to let him know that I was doing well and that I just wanted him to know that.  Still waiting on a response.  I have tomorrow (Wednesday) off, and will do a more thorough job of sifting through my emails.


I messed up my meeting timeframes on Black Friday and had to work Saturday, so no meetings attended on those two days.  However, we both managed to attend the Sunday meeting over at Provena.  I'm embarrassed to say that I don't remember the name of the man who spoke, but it was a good story overall.


I had a weird shift yesterday, so I was able to attend my St. David's meeting.  I really like that one.  With it being after the holiday, there weren't that many people, which always makes it that much more personal.  The general topic was an 'after holiday' reading about being gracious to God for his/her help in our continued sobriety.


I have off tomorrow, so I can attend my Westminster meeting.  That's usually a big gathering, but there's almost always something to be had from the assembled crowd.


I have a message out to my sponsor Lyn about my Saturday morning work schedule.  I'll be missing out again this upcoming Saturday... and if the tentative schedule I saw today remains unchanged... I won't be there next week as well.  I just wanted Lyn to know that I haven't abandoned him or what I consider my home group.


Still... another day clean.  Another day sober.  :)  I'm not giving the concept any undue thought.  And that has it own rewards,


I sent the last of the turkey and ham out with Stef this morning.  There's some ham in the quiche I made last night... I just don't think I could stomach another round of turkey.  (Let our pal John chow down on that!)  LOL!


One Day at a Time!  (They do indeed add up!)


I don't "think" I used the following photo funny yet... if I did... sorry for the repeat!

You Know It's a Slow Work Day When...

So, it was my turn to bring in a couple of bags of candy to the lanes today.  We can't have proper food out in the lanes, but snack treats are allowed.  I bought a couple of bags of Werther Originals Caramel candies from Aldi.  All well and good.


Once the entire staff got there this morning I became the "Candy Man".  Both Harold and Jose were giving me early a.m. grief in song.  It was all fine. 


Now... we had a major lull in traffic for most of the morning... and as I'm sitting in my station (trying to stay warm)... I've got this silly little song going through my head.  The (no longer simply) puppy Rottweilers were having a grand fun day in their grassy pen next door.  And, as my dear friend, Leo Buscaglia once said... "MADNESS STRUCK."


I had the following going through my head throughout most of the day as they barked at our motorists:


"Who can take a clean lawn... sprinkle it with poo?
Bark at some neighbors and snarf a time or two?
The Teggie Dog can!
Yes... the Teggie Dog can!
The Teggie Dog can cause she spreads her Eskie love,
and let's you know she's Boo!"


Yeah.. working on that last line (we had a VERY SLOW day obviously)... but good luck getting those first few lines out of your head!  ;-)

Miss You Tons Grommie!

Oh, my.... so many days and so many meetings to go over!


Let's see... last Friday was a Step Meeting at St. David's, and that was fine for the most part.  A majority of the group were going over the election returns before we actually got to our main topic which is Step 11.  It's the weird time of the year for me when the meetings tend to deal with each step placed against the month.  While I'm trying to work each step into my day-to-day life... I'm not "quite" at number 11.  Still and all a good meeting.


Saturday was a marginal free for all.  At first there really  wasn't a topic, per se.  Everyone assembled was talking (yet again) about the election.  This portion sets itself against the traditions of AA.  (Politics are NOT supposed to play a part.)  Basically the meeting turned into a huge batch of people arguing over Facebook and wanted/unwanted topics.


Sunday was the usual open meeting.  The speaker was lovely... but probably needed another hour or so to bring things back around to the whole "what it's like now" aspect of the format.  I personally didn't get all that much out of it, but those meetings tend to happen.


Monday was a back to work day.  Nice enough, weather withstanding.


This morning was my monthly meeting with my psychiatrist.  He and I are taking it on a month by month basis.  I will be surprised if it makes it past December's meeting.  I personally feel that he's disinterested with our talks.  I shared everything that's happened since our last meeting, but again, he seemed aloof.  To his credit, he did say that I looked good and well rested. 


I certainly hope so, as I've been doing my best to be both.  I did share that today was the anniversary of Gromit's passing... and herein lies my issue with today... he didn't appear to care.  He's clearly not a pet person.  I could spend more than my session's worth of time going over how he thought I was lamenting over an animal... but I won't.  Pardon the <CENSORED> <CENSORED> out of me for caring about something and agonizing over his loss on today of all days. 


I'm more than "mildly" pissed at the moment.


There was time to attend a Geneva meeting today, so that calmed my nerves somewhat.


I am indeed deeply grateful for what the program of AA has done for me.  (Today's topic.)  I am also equally grateful for the world it has opened up to me!  I'm going to take that bit to heat with me tonight as I, still in my own way, mourn the loss of a friend of the likes I may never make again.


MISS YOU G-MAN!  LOVE YOU!

HAPPY VETERAN'S DAY!

My SINCEREST THANKS to all veterans, their families... and their pets today.

WTF

I have no words, really. 


Wow.  Just wow.


How stupid are Americans?  (SORRY IF YOU LEAN THAT WAY....)  But wow.  Just fucking wow.  I normally censor myself on my own blog... but not on this one.  I'm sorry. 


All shriek heil our new orange Führer!

Election Day. A Rare Tuesday Off. A GREAT Topic.

So... I'm hopeful that our LONG national nightmare is over tonight... but I have a hinky feeling it won't be.  (I will defer to our President, Bill Maher and John Oliver to share their opinions...as mine equal theirs)


We voted first thing this morning.  We also took a somewhat hesitant photo of Tegan the Eskie in the leaves this morning before our days started out in earnest.


I don't often get an early weekday like today off... let alone paid... so it was nice to be able to attend a Tuesday luncheon meeting back over in Geneva.  :)  I'm glad I did.  Today's topic dealt with our collective inferiority complex. 


That was one of my major points of discussion with my sponsor Lyn as I was working through Step Four.  My ego.  My selfishness... (which was touched upon this past weekend at my Home Meeting)... and let's just be real here... my just being inferior thanks to my drinking.


WHAT THE <CENSORED> was I trying to prove, eh?  Not a damn thing.  As I look back upon this with a decent chunk of change behind me sobriety-wise... I really had nothing to feel inferior about.  I have (STILL GRATEFULLY HAVE!) the love of my best friend... nothing more needs to be said.  WTF was I trying to do or prove?


I have nothing to feel inferior over!  It's as simple as that.


I remain clean.  I remain sober.  I remain... ONE DAY AT A TIME!  (Now there is something worth striving towards!  OK...and an election win.  Yes.  I get that!) 


It's going to be a LONG... (yet sober) night.  :)

Miracles DO Happen!!!

Well... damn.  I'm at a loss for words!  Like so many before me, so many of my age, and so many who just never gave up...  we did it!!!!!


If I can steal a lyric from the Ramones:  "I Believe in Miracles!"


What's the shirt I've seen people wearing?  "Our Long National League Nightmare is Over."  Isn't that the <censored> truth!?!? 


I can't begin to express my feelings about the Cubs and this World Series win.  It's mindboggling!


Again, like so many others... I've almost always, without fail, have uttered the words "This Year is Next Year" at the start of the season.  That's usually met with a slight laugh or roll of the eyes from Stef and just about everyone else around me...  well... you know what?!? 


Be damned if we weren't right this year! 


I am so happy right now!  The even happier thing is that I got to do it sober!  So, there ya go Chicago... two miracles! 

GO CUBS GO!  GO CUBS GO!  HEY CHICAGO WHATTAYA SAY... THE CUBS ARE GONNA WIN TODAY!!! 

That's not going to get old for quite a while!  I'm beside myself right now... I can only begin to imagine what my pal Jimmy Knight is feeling right now!  (WE DID IT BUDDY!!!!!)

Smog Daddy Must Die

Wow.  What a roll out and what a day for Smog Daddy... and I mean that in the worst possible terms... but I didn't let it get the better of me... whereas, a while ago, it would've.  Judy is supremely lucky for sincerely apologizing to me and the others working today.  She nearly lost most of her crew and it wasn't even her own fault... but she needs to really work on her interpersonal skills. 


The state of Illinois launched a new emissions program today that was supposed to speed things up... but... like all things issued from the state level... it was a complete disaster.  Did Smog Daddy speed up the test process?  Somewhat.  Did Smog Daddy totally increase wait times, dump cars from the system, cancel out users, kick you out whilst manually entering VIN numbers... as the 10th Doctor would say... "Oh yes."


Here's hoping tomorrow will have a majority of the bugs worked out of the system.


I'm also working on some internal issues.  (TMI!)  I have an odd assortment of meds that bind me up in the most horrific way.  (DOUBLE TMI!!)  Thankfully, nothing happened during or after work today.  I'm hopeful that I can try and level things out throughout this evening and into tomorrow. 


I caught Lyn's son last night, as I needed someone to talk to, and have yet to hear back from him as of this typing.  At least I know he'll call as soon as he's able.  :)  Bless his heart. 


SO... on the uber plus side... another day sober... despite Smog Daddy!  HAH!  I beat you... you piece of shiznit.  (Personally I wouldn't want to be in the line over at the emissions place this afternoon.  It was about an hour wait when I left... and I had to work past my standard clock-out time.)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN

Just needed to use up a photo that made me laugh.  HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Meetings. Me Being Me. Cubbies! Expensive Cars. And Other Stuff.

RECAP (AND THEN SOME!)


On Saturday I got to spend some additional time with my sponsor Lyn as we discussed my 4th Step.   After our meeting, we went into one of the satellite rooms and had an honest discussion.  We'll do so again this upcoming Saturday.  My 5th Step meeting will require me to (probably/possibly) meet with an actual priest to admit my faults to that God portion.  (Lyn's going to see if he can arrange something.)  I haven't done an actual confessional conversation with a priest in decades, so we'll need to augment/edit my character defects. 


The general topic of Saturday was Love and Tolerance.  L&T for those of us IN the program and those that are OUTSIDE of the program.  All in all, it was a good meeting for me.  I have L&T for the people that I deal with on an AA basis... and I'm working on extending that L&T to those around me.


I expressed my 'pride' moral defect with Lyn... but is it wrong that I can actually exercise it for the benefit of others?  I personally think I handled the portion of those "outside of the program" in a grand fashion when I footed a coworker (Nestor) a fair amount of cash while we were being fed during a training session at work this past week.  Nestor wasn't part of the initial training meetings and apparently no one told him to come with cash in hand to help pay for the meal.  Jose ordered a TON of food from a place he knows quite well... and it was DYNAMITE food... still and all, no one told Nestor that we all had to pitch in.  Seven pounds of pork costs a lot, so rather than witness him sitting there watching the rest of us eat, I pitched in enough cash for him to eat.  (Is that my moral pride defect or just me being a decent human being?  I didn't see anyone else pitching in some coin.  Cheap bastards.)  


SIDENOTE:  I did the same thing a few years ago for a VERY DEAR friend of mine, Bill, when the Coven adjourned our daily work functions to have lunch at a Naff-Naff location.  Neither of us had eaten there before and Bill was stunned that they wanted nearly six bucks for a meager bowl of <censored> soup.  He only bought a bottle of water.  There I was with an entire corned beef sammich, pickles and chips.  I had to force the guy into accepting one half of the sammich... and never EVER asked for reimbursement, but it all worked well in the end.  I do miss Bill greatly, as he was one of the last true male friends I've ever had, and often wonder what he'd have said about my current sobriety.  He'd have been there for me.  I say hi when I do my nightly meditations.  (I'd like to think he'd like that.) 


On Saturday night, I blubbered like a moron... but I have an entire city with me, as the Cubs advanced to the freaking World Series.  An entire city... several generations of fans... and myself NEVER thought we'd see the day!  But, I digress.


Sunday was a great open meeting as the speaker came in from the city region and shared a great story!  I only wish more of those open meetings could be like that!  A great speaker and a lovely shared story.


Meanwhile, at work, I had a chance to test a car that cost more than two of the last houses my name was legally attached to!  Some guy pulled into the lot in a freaking McClaren P4!!!  I didn't even see the thing as it's built so low to the ground.  There were barely 5,000 miles on the thing, and one wonders two things.  1.)  Who has over a quarter of a million dollars for a car... and 2.)  Apart from the emission test spot... where do you even drive it?  It's not exactly designed for the Kennedy or the Dan Ryan!  The photo beneath is what I exactly tested.

Today's meeting at Westminster was another nice one!  I'm just fortunate enough to have had a Wednesday off to be able to attend.  The general topic was having found a place where I belong and being able to share.  That sentiment is SO enormously true!  I said so today and was supremely happy to be part of the discussion.


I'm presently in a good place.  I have Lyn and my AA friends to thank for that.  A very good place.  And I will deal with it as I've been dealing with it:


One Day at a Time.  :)

 

Late Again Blogging

I've been busy the past number of days, and every time I try to make time to blog, something gets in the way.  Namely work it seems.  I've got a screwy schedule due to training.  We've got some new apparatus called "Smog Daddy" being installed and I have to go back this evening for two hours, having already worked a shift this morning.  The same will be true for tomorrow and a portion of Saturday.  People are leaving, so I've got an uber-funky schedule next week that I'm not looking forward to.


But, on the plus side, it allowed me to attend some meetings this week.  I will go backwards and address as best as I can:


Yesterday was a meeting at Westminster.  There's normally a huge crowd for that one.  The topic involved all the time we spent (read: wasted) drinking and what we could've done had we'd been better people.  The second half of that topic included what is it we will be doing going forward, now that we're not drinking.  So, basically service work where applicable and attending meetings.


Monday morning was a day off for me, so I was able to attend my favorite meeting over at St. David's.  There's almost always a nice group there and our topic was the "daily tune up".  Basically, are we doing our morning and evening meditations and following up on our progress.  I make it a point to try and do both every day, but it depends on how tired I am when I wake up.  For the most part, I'm successful.  (On a side-note, I also technically celebrated my six months sober anniversary.  I didn't claim it on Saturday or Sunday, but I claimed it on Monday.)


Sunday was the normal Open Speaker meeting, and one of the guys from my home group on Saturdays spoke.  Jack's been in the program a very long time and it was nice to hear his story.  I read the "How it Works" pages again.  That's always fun.


Saturday was the usual home group session.  Lyn was there and we had to push back on my next Step progression.  What with my training this week and the now funky schedule next week, it's going to have to wait again.  But, like Lyn said, there's no rush.  It's a marathon, not a race.


So, that's it for now.  I'm going to try and relax before I have to head back on out to training.  Yahoo.


One Day at a Time.

Thinking of an Old Friend Today

At work this morning I noticed a tree changing its colors for Fall.  The tops were both red and purple.  I hope it lasts a little longer!  I was reminded of someone who was a very dear friend to me in some formative years.


I just wanted to take a moment to remember my friend, Felice.  He'd have approved of where my life has led me and the people I shared him with.  :)
Leo loved his leaves.  And he'd have laughed himself silly knowing what the Leaf Liberation Army did one night... oh so many year ago.  :)

Four Days = Four Meetings

My new gig has allowed me quite a number of days to attend meetings!  Whoo hoo!


Friday gave me one of my favorite meetings at St. David's and it helped to build upon previous Step meetings I've attended.  (I'm still working on Step 4... but I like to think I am doing much better for Step 10... by making it a point to admit when I am wrong.


Saturday was my normal meeting at my home group with my Sponsor... always a good thing... and it was a meeting to do with Sponsors and the support they offer us.  Lyn's great in that regard.  He's ultra-easy to speak to and has been an absolute blessing in my life.  A fact that I told him when the meeting ended.  I also spoke briefly with Miguel about service work.  They have monthly meetings at Westminster, so I am thinking about volunteering for a position.  It would go a long way to completing the 12th Step... and my psychiatrist and I were talking about doing something along those lines.  I believe I am ready for that now.  :)




Sunday was a meeting with someone I know fairly well.  I see Shelly most Saturdays and it was her turn to speak in front of the Open Meeting.  It was nice to see a huge contingent of Saturday folks there to show their support. 


Monday was a state holiday so I got the day off.  (Paid too!  Granted not the whole day... but still...)  The day off afforded me a chance to hit St. David's again.  The general conversation was about our experiences with newer members and whether or not we openly speak with them... or... to put a finer point on it... do we make "LISTEN" to what they have to say.  I've been in the program a while now... and I work very hard to make new people feel welcome.  I do listen and I do comment on their input.  So, I suppose I do indeed try and spread the message to other alcoholics.  It's a nice feeling.


Stef commented after Sunday's meeting that she's starting to understand what it is I was previously going through... during my previous half-assed attempt.  That was nice to hear, as she didn't have to say anything... but it was still nice.  I can't dwell on what happened.  I can only be the best possible person I've started to become.  (If that makes any sense.  It does to me, so that's all that matters presently.)


Another day sober!  One Day at a Time!

Lots of Work. No Meetings. But an Update Regardless.

I've been working the entire week, which is a good thing, and it was nice to have a five day work week.  The drawback, as mentioned in my last post, is that it cuts into my meeting attendance.  I couldn't make my normal weekday meeting time slots, so, it's been me reading my book, working on my Fourth Step and meditating in both the morning and evening.  That's been helpful.  I did attend meetings over this past weekend.  I sat with my backup sponsor Gary again, as Lyn is still out and about.  Sunday was a very good meeting with a guy whose story I could relate to regarding the hidden dangers of working from home when one is an alcoholic.  I didn't go through the sheer numbers he went through, but I did my fair share of damage.  Good meeting overall, though.


I have meetings this weekend, so that's also good.  On top of that, I have my scheduled appointment with my Psychiatrist on Wednesday before I head off to work.  I had a Doctor's appointment after work the other day.  Some of my numbers are leveling out nicely, and Dr. L mentioned that he could see my remarked improvement in my blood and urine numbers.  So, yay!  :-)


Busy, busy, busy otherwise!. 


It's the end of the month and we were inundated at work with people waiting to the absolute 11th hour before testing their vehicles before renewing their stickers.  That gamble didn't pay off today for a number of cars in my lane today.  With only one day left in the month... there were quite a number of failed vehicles... leaving them... "technically" a little under 24 hours to get the things repaired and retested.  Granted, that's not the true case... they'll probably get extensions, but they're still going to have to wait in line again... and after tomorrow... it all starts up again.


I had two interesting cars today.  One was a hearse.  That was really early this morning and I noticed that the other attendants seemed to disappear into their booths for quick cleaning and straightening, leaving my lane with a visible attendant.  It was a nice Cadillac and it wasn't like the driver opted to veer off for a test with an occupant in the back.  I don't know what their deal was.  The second car was my first one with a driver in possession of one of those Alcohol-breathalyzer inhibitors installed.  The rules are that I have to call a manager out to do it.  The driver explained that there was only so much time before he turned the engine off that we could perform the test before restarting the vehicle... or some such... for whatever reason, he couldn't leave the vehicle for any amount of time, so he had to quickly rush out, head for the passenger seat and get back in... before the test could begin.  ANYHOOTS... when all was said and done, he passed.  Once he was back in the driver's seat, it was just he and I.  For a brief moment, I was going to say something in response to his don't drink and drive comment... but I thought better of it.  We're supposed to be anonymous, of course.  So, I left it alone.


Overall, the job is "ok".  It's not rocket science, but it's a paycheck at the moment.  I've had some fun customers/motorists for the most part.  I've seen some pooches in the cars I've tested.  (Three so far as of today.)  I had a lovely African American woman order her son to give me a piece of fried chicken from the box he was holding in the passenger seat.  (No can do, I said.  But I did tell little Darnell that he could have my piece.)  That was funny.  The skunk over my the railroad tracks this morning was not, though.  The smell finally let up around ten a.m.


So, that's at least a small update on what's been going on.  I'll post more after my upcoming weekend meetings.


One Day at a Time.

The Other Meaning of AA and Work

Oh, wow!  I've been busy.  What was it that my dearest of friends John Webb used to say?  I'm busier than a beaver with two tails.


I attended meetings earlier in the week, but I also had to work.  The new gig is exactly that... a gig.  BUT... I have to say that I'm getting better at the actual gig.  I've presently lucked out with hours this week and next.  I'm doing the 7:30AM start time.  I can get into a comfortable groove with that sort of start time. 


It does, however, put something of a crunch on my meetings.  I did attend my standard weekend meetings.  Saturday wasn't anything out of the ordinary that I can recall... looking back on it on a Thursday, mind you.  Sunday was a good meeting.  No... strike that... a great meeting.  We had a fantastic speaker.  On Monday I was able to attend my usual St. David's gathering.  It was nice to see Tom back in the fold.  Tuesday was my day off, so I was able to go to what might've been my last meeting over in Geneva. 


THAT meeting was interesting as we don't often get a speaker.  On Tuesday we did.  It was an older gentleman by the name of Dan and he was celebrating fifteen (15) years sober.  GOOD FOR HIM!  He was the person who coined part of today's header... 'the other meaning of AA'...


Dan said that it stood for Assholes with an Attitude.


OK... guilty as charged... but I am doing much better!!! 


Like I said, it's somewhat unusual to have a speaker at those Geneva meetings.  But, being that close to the courthouse... it might not be a bad idea.  Still... a good meeting.


The rest of my week (and as of the time of this typing) have been spent at work.  I'm comfortable with the gig.  I do have a few issues with it stepping over my usual meeting schedule.  But... it will all work itself out in the end.  Maybe not next week as I have an entire week of 7:30 start times. 


I have appointments scheduled with both my regular Doctor and my Psychiatrist... so that will still need to be addressed... but both should be happy with my current state of being/mind.  YAY!


I remain...


One Day at a Time.  :)

Two Topics Today

It was really nice to attend my usual Saturday meeting earlier this morning.  I got to touch base with my backup sponsor Gary, as Lyn is still out of town, and I got to share in the Cubbie gloating with Cliff.  :)  I also got to share a few moments with my friend from Residential, Andy.  I always smile when I see him... as does he.  He and I would be MEGA friends offline, apart from the program, but I don't know how... or even IF he'd accept that modicum of friendship.  But it's still nice to get a hearty hello, handshake and hug from him.  It makes the time in Residential worthwhile.  BUT ANYHOOTS...


The meeting started off in the standard manner.  Closed meetings... (I hope I'm not repeating myself)... are not like the usual meetings.  There are a number of additional readings that need to be addressed, announcements that need to be made, and the odd ritual of everyone in the room stating their name and reason for being there.  Fair enough.


Once we got through that bit and the passing of the basket (next week I will finally have funds to actually contribute)... we got on to business.  The reading this morning was "Freedom From Fear"... fear of lapsing, fear of those around us... fear of just about everything that rattles around in our heads.  No one really latched onto that topic, but leave to our old pal Will to come up with a good one.  Love & Acceptance.  He shared a story about something that had recently happened with his "significant other", as he put it. 


The conversation sky-rocketed into that tangent and that was cool.  Then... 25 minutes into our discussion, my least favorite person, Crazy Tom, burst through the door.  He did not one, but two orbits around the room before finding a seat.  I was so busy chatting with sub-sponsor Gary that I didn't realize the seat next to me was empty, so... my Higher Power was giving me an opportunity to actually exercise love and acceptance.  Crazy Tom... (and I really ought to STOP referring to him as such...) sat next to us.  We weren't a dozen or so sentences into Will's thought when he started speaking.  Under normal circumstances I'd have gone all Tasmanian Devil on that... but I was in the meeting 'zone', I guess.


He spoke for nearly ten minutes and I'll be damned (too late!) if I or the room knew what he was talking about.  I don't think there was a single verb/transitional clause in his entire rant... but I let it go.  I knew my Higher Power was testing me.  The circumstances were just TOO CONVENIENT!  He did get up about four times to refill his coffee and see if there were any sweets to be had.  I let all of that go, too.  If that were still Iggy's room... there'd have been f-ing Pop-Tarts or fruit in the room!  I've made a mental note to send an e-mail to Iggy out in Syracuse.  He shouldn't be too hard to find in their registry.  I thought he might like to know a marginal success story... if he even remembers me.


I thought at one point I'd have an entire cup of coffee spilt on me as Tom was shaking so bad and having his own internal conversations... but that didn't happen.  We ran exceptionally long as one man waited till the very last moment to start crying for five minutes before getting to the crux of his issue... I guess he got fired earlier in the week and woke up this morning mentally cursing his higher power for it.  This would've been a great topic to start the session with... but he was emotional and everyone took a step back to let him vent. 


In the meantime, as he was telling us all of this, Tom managed to disassemble his sunglasses and one of the lenses fell next to my sneaker.  I picked it up and handed it back to him as anyone would do.  I didn't realize it was a bonding moment.  When the session ended and we did the Lord's Prayer, Tom made it a point to find me and made sure I held his hand.  (Clearly MY higher power speaking to me.)   Did I do it?  Yes.  Did I go to the men's room and clean my hand from his shaking sweaty hand?  Yes.  So... I'm doing marginally better at love and acceptance.  Given the circumstances... I think I did well.


Got a snuggly huggly from Gary before I left.  Fist bumped Cliff over the aforementioned Cubbie miracle.  :)


We shall see what tomorrow's meeting brings.  It's nice to (currently) not to have to work weekends.  On the plus side... I start late on Monday... so I can attend my morning meeting then! 


One Day at a Time!  :)

Back in the Swing of Things

It was really nice to be able to attend an actual meeting this morning.  I've been in job training and have had an actual full day of working, so my attendance at meetings has been lapse since the weekend.  As I said, it was nice to be back in one today.


Today's topic was about meetings in general and how we (as a group) do indeed help one another.  Wednesdays are big groups and it was (once again) nice to be able to share with the assembled gang.  I'm doing much better at that part... and given that I probably won't see my psychiatrist for the next  week or so... it was nice to have familiar faces to chat with.


The new gig is going well so far.  I will just take it like all else in my life...


One Day at a Time.


I did very much like today's prayer message:


I pray that with more power in my life will come more faith. I pray that I may come to trust God more each day.


OK... I'm working on that whole faith portion... but... my morning and evening meditations have been incredibly better as of late!  Good thing!!!  :)

Where Does 15 Years Go?

It's a sorta-kinda similar day today in Illinois as it was back fifteen years ago. Weird that the Bears season starts today as well. There was some sort of gathering at the Police Department on my way in to my Sunday AA meeting. It was packed up by the time the meeting was over. We talked a little about 9-11 after the meeting. It just seems so surreal that it's been fifteen years already! I will always remember that hotdog in between the two towers. I personally get a little maudlin every year at this time. But still... never ever forget.

Amends and a Much Needed Meeting

I'm really liking September meetings as they're currently leaning towards working on making amends. It's nice to sit inside meetings and have some really fantastic friends share their stories. This morning, I sat next to the single coolest person I know in AA. (Will.) Discussion today leaned itself towards our making amends. I am truly about five steps away from that actual step, but it was nice to hear how HARD it's been for other members. I've been in job training the past several days, so it was nice to attend an actual meeting this morning. I am hopeful for tomorrow, Sunday. I'm very happy to have actual hours to work in this upcoming week. More on this as it develops...

Amends and Catechism

Oh, boy.. do I have some days to reconcile... There was the holiday weekend and then my first day in training for the new gig. But let's go back shortly in time to discuss my weekend meetings. Saturday was nice as I got a few minutes to speak with Lyn. Granted, he told me that he'd be gone for the next couple of weeks... but still... a good talk. Saturday's topic involved "making my life better"... and I'm in perpetual motion for 'making my life better'. I don't see any of that calming itself any time soon... but still... a good meeting regardless. Sunday's was the first of the month Al-Anon / AA combo meeting. While they're good meetings all around... can we please EQUALLY share the time parameters?!? The Al-Anon people tend to speak longer than they should. (Meh. Small complaint, I guess.) Monday, Labor Day, was a good meeting. The topic was making amends to people we only ever had a "brief" encounter with. (Amends with casual people we may have wronged.) I would need the Loop's 50,000 watt transmitter to apologize to those people I hurt during my mega-drinking days! There aren't enough watts on the planet to apologize to Stef... and I didn't really have a moment on the holiday to apologize to her cousins and extended family. It was probably wise as there were other things going on... and my personal crap is the LEAST of their worries... so... I sign off with nothing major to say apart from... my catechism is me working on my life, my one serious relationship, and my one daily prayer that I be a better person than as I started... does that make sense?

After Care. The Shingles Return. The Fusion. Today's Meeting

After Care went well, so I'm going to start there. Jim and I had a lot of topics to cover, and we managed to get to most of them in our time together. It helps that he's in AA also, but his support is obviously psychiatric first, then he offers other AA support as needed. He was happy that I still managed to attend meetings over the weekend, and told me that I could also call him at any time if I need to. That was good to know. My homework is to revisit the first three steps and work on them more intensely, but also to keep working on my fourth step, but steps one through three require more urgent attention at the moment.




I woke up yesterday feeling a little off, but I chalked that up to the weather. I thought it was just the rain. When I got into the shower before heading off to see Jim, I noticed that the Shingles had returned. Yahoo. They're pretty brutal this time. It's on the same side and in the same area as last time, but it's a much more ugly shade of red and hurt worse than before. I was fortunate enough to still have one last pill on hand, so I was able to at least get that going right away. I was also lucky that I still had refills, so I phoned that in before my appointment. I had to pick up other meds at the same location anyway, so I got them all at the same time. I hope it clears up as quickly as last time. We'll see.




The Fusion is in the shop for some much needed brake work. It's also been leaking fluid onto the driveway and was told by Russ our mechanic that it's not oil, but the transmission line. Apparently it had rusted through. It did shift funny on my way back home yesterday. So, we dropped it off at our normal place for the brakes first thing this morning. He's going to drive it over to another place for the transmission, as Russ doesn't do that sort of work in his shop. We're hopeful to have this back by Friday. Otherwise that could make Tuesday a little more interesting.


I dropped Stef off for work and drove her car home and hopped into the shower, so I had time to make my Wednesday meeting. This is the big one that usually breaks off into four separate groups for further discussion. I've been sharing more at meetings these days and I spoke earlier today about my disappointment in myself and my behavior. The folks in the group said some of the usual things that are said at most closed meeting like "Keep coming back." "One day at a time." It was nice to hear "It gets better." It was also nice to get hugs from people I really don't know that well, but who were there to lend me support when I was done speaking. That helped along with my appointment with Jim yesterday.


That's about it for now. I'm still working One Day at a Time.


Nothing overly funny to post picture-wise. I just wanted to share this fan art someone did for the late Gene Wilder. I said for years that Willy Wonka was clearly a Time Lord. A permanent home on this blog seemed like as good a place as any to keep it in perpetuity.

Regeneration. It's a Lottery.

I thought Stef might need a little pooch love/support today.  This looks so sweet!  (And bacon fits in anywhere... any day of the week... at any time.  Right, Teggie?)

For Norma and Stef

It's been a trying weekend here.  Stef lost her mother last night.  I suppose the only thing I can say is that she and her husband are together again.  It's hard to accurately convey thoughts at a time like this.  Stef needs me.  And I am there for her.  There aren't enough hugs or words in the world to comfort her at the moment.


So the things I thought that might've been "cute" about today's meeting lay on the side of the road in lieu of personal matters.  It was a good meeting to be fair.  The speaker and I were wearing the EXACT same Hawaiian shirt.  (There.  That's the cute bit.) 


At the moment I can't think of anything else to write.  As I already said... not enough words/actions.  I will try and make her something nice for dinner and just simply be there for her.


Until then, here's a lovely photo of her with her parents in happier days.  It's a small gesture as I type this, but I don't know what else to do at the moment.


I love you all and I am so incredibly sorry for our loss.

God, that man could eat.  :)  I miss that.  As I will miss your mom.

I'm Lovestruck Baby.

I really should've gone to that show.  A fixed point in time (JEBUS!  26 years) that not even a Police Public Call Box can cure.


I had freaking tickets in my hand courtesy of the radio station I was working at back in the day.  I also had a full time job with Osco that put restrictions on my free time.  I figured... what the hell... why drive up to Alpine Valley, Wisconsin?  OK, sure, Robert Cray, SRV, Clapton, Buddy Guy and even Jimmie Vaughan... I can just catch them the next time they come through town.  How wrong I was!!! 


I will never ever forget that morning driving into work.  No one knew who was in that particular helicopter.  I selfishly said... "Well, Clapton, he's a legend.  What a way to go.  Cray?  A new guy on the scene.  Would the music world be that affected?  Nah.  SRV?  Oh, that would be a blow."


Like I said, this was the old Jim who still thought he was immortal.  I can't even begin to say what I felt like when one of my liquor salesmen (Chuck) came in and said that it was SRV.  I've buried a lot of my idols in my day since then... but this was the first one that really hit me hard.  I may have been alive when John Lennon was murdered, but he was just a tad bit slightly before my time.  SRV was mine.  Since then I've buried the entire original line-up of The Ramones.  Two separate members of KISS.  Another Beatle.  And my all time favorite author, Douglas Adams.  I tend to take these things with a much larger grain of salt these days.  




Still and all... your AA speech is awesome!  It's online.  Check it out if you've got a moment.  Miss you, SRV!!!

Meetings and Being Overdressed

Blogging a little late this evening, so this might be a little shorter than usual.


Saturday's meeting was kind of a downer topic-wise.  We discussed feelings of isolation and discouragement with ourselves, our higher powers and general feelings we're going through.  I don't think I feel isolated at all.  I have a nice support system in place with my wife, my sponsor and those I surround myself in meetings.  I may feel a tad bit discouraged, but that's only because I don't as much time invested in the program as much as many of the others.  Someone celebrated 36 years sober.  I guess I sort of feel discouraged that I probably won't ever get to that kind of number.  LOL.  But I will give it a darn good try.


Sunday's open meeting was with a gentleman who started drinking in/around age 5 in the late 50's grabbing his dad a bottle of beer from the fridge while dad watched TV.  He drank enough from longneck bottles until just before it was noticeable.  Things for him got rough when he was a teen and either had to face court or enter the military.  So, he soon found himself in Vietnam as a young teen where when not on patrol, the only other thing to do was drink and engage in "other" items that are used to alter the mind.  But to be fair, he's been sober since 1981, so bravo to him!


Today's meeting dealt with the first paragraph of the "How it Works" reading we do at each and every AA meeting:


"Those who do not recover are people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to be born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover, if they have the capacity to be honest."


I've been doing an infinitely better job of being honest with myself since I got out of Residence and throughout IOP and After Care.  My live conversations with Lyn, my sponsor, have helped immensely as well.


I had two employment meetings today and I was overdressed for both interviews, but that's just me complaining about the current pool of potential employees hiring folks are seeing.  The gal I saw at the temp agency was wearing flip flops and a pair of those sweatpants with the word Pink embroidered on the back.  Nice.  Not many office openings available at the moment, but they're going to keep me posted if that's going to change.


The second interview I am going to accept.  It's part time, but it certainly beats not working.  So, a win in my books.


Other than that, nothing else to report.  Just feeling a little better about things in general with the whole job front.  More on this as is warranted.


One Day at a Time.


And here's one from a new comic strip I stumbled across:

This is Lance You're Talking To... You Have No Morals.

Oh dear I've been naughty with the upkeep.  So let's see if I can make this better.


The past weekend's meetings were pretty good.  Saturday was interesting in the fact that a vast majority were at the golf outing, so attendance was low, but still some decent discussion to be had.  Got a snuggly huggly from my sponsor over my four month anniversary, so that was cool.  Also, some nice comments from regulars who know me from other meetings.  I ran into Andy and he said he'd be utterly pleased to pass along that information to the other counselors in Residential.  I was also glad to hear that Joe successfully came out of his cancer surgery.  GOOD FOR HIM!!!


Sunday's meeting appealed to Stef as it pertained more to the psychological aspects of the speaker's recovery.  And as I told my After Care therapist Jim yesterday... it was nice not to have to go down that whole "how it used to be" part of the open meetings.  We all have our stories and they usually tend to be the same in the "before" times, so Sunday was refreshing.


Monday's meeting at St. David's was also nice.  It was a small group.  One table.  On the drive over I was mentally doing gymnastics on whether or not to share my anniversary as I'd just done it two days running over at Gateway and Mercy... but the selfish part of me that still exists wanted the pat on the back.  Polite applause ensued. 


Yesterday was my appointment with my therapist.  It had been almost a month, if not more, since the last time he and I were in a session together, but we picked up where we left off at. 


I am still presently working my way through Step Four and I am nowhere near completion, but then, there isn't a timeframe for it.  It's just tough.  For me, this is a really rough one.  Jim and I spent most of my session talking about it.  "Make a searching and fearless moral inventory  of ourselves."


I've been mentally going over this step for a number of weeks now.  It takes up my morning and evening mediation times... and pretty much a lot of my personal time.  I said as much to Jim.  He commented that this one is a major issue for a lot of people in the program.  He volunteers at a prison and has a group he helps with their addiction(s).  He gave me one of the handouts he gives those guys.  It's a combo of AA and NA.  He said to obviously take from it what I could and to work on it to the best of my abilities.  We'll discuss my own personal findings when we next meet.  Needless to say it's rough going. 


Ego has a lot to do with it, he said.  Just when I think I've stopped being judgmental of other people, I have to address that dragon... my ego.  I've been internally working on this throughout today.  I was out and about looking around the area for a possible gig and had added a few to my list of applied jobs.  Something has got to hit sooner or later.  I said as much yesterday and he was hopeful too.


I have a meeting on Monday with a new agency.  My repeated calls to the old one have not been returned.  (We spoke about that too.)  UGH! 


Side-note:  As Jim and I were talking about my gigs... he said that he thought my voice sounded familiar.  Apparently he had booked a party for their group when I was working with Portillo's.  He said he dealt with "some guy" who was uber-helpful and knew about the dishes.  Jeepers... who do you think he spoke with?  LOL.  We had a laugh over that one.


I'm checking on a gig tomorrow that will involve a slight road trip.


One Day at a Time.


The following photo gag is a thinker.  Spot the joke:

HOLY FRIJOLES!!!

Today I am 120 days sober.


I do OPENLY admit that I sometimes feel like I'm not entirely "there" yet... but then again... it's not like it's the destination... it's the journey, right?  So, maybe Jim will never ever feel like he's "there"... wherever (unintentional rhyme) that might be.


I shared my anniversary earlier today with people who are not in my common realm of sober friends.  Let's be honest... 99% of them are total strangers... and you know what... their applause today meant more to me than what I could (and probably will) get this upcoming weekend during my home group meeting. 


I called and left a message for my sponsor earlier this afternoon.  I still have to thank my neighbor John (whom I have not yet seen today as I type this... but am hopeful that) he will/would be delighted to hear the news.  I have a former IOP counselor who is probably in transit to Syracuse University whom I am dying to tell.  I will tell my After Care therapist next week.  And then there's you guys from Gateway that I can see out there hovering around in limbo, who view this blog... thanks guys!  I just thought you'd want to know.  :)


But, as you know, I have a daily (ALLEGEDLY!) blog to keep me accountable. {COUGH. COUGH. YEAH DAILY RIGHT! COUGH}


Gearing up towards 6 months and beyond!  ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!!

And the Serenity Prayer for all... I have been saying this for four months now before I go to bed and before I start my day.

I Have An Allergy.. DUH!

So I learned today that I have an allergy.  An allergy to alcohol.  Well, duh!  At least I wasn't the only one attending today that wasn't already completely aware of this SHOCKING new revelation!  There was an exchange of glances throughout the room at this reading, but then, this meeting is not made up of the same folks week in and week out.  I'm wagering the bulk of regulars attend earlier in the morning at the church, or later in the day once the court-ordered and (probably not surprisingly)courthouse people clear out.


I saw enough films during my stay in residential and IOP, and had enough conversations to know and now finally recognize that "chronic" alcoholism is a form of allergy.  Not that I can ever use that as a defense!  I don't!  I had that discussion with Jim my After Care therapist. 


But I will say that it has been really exceptionally nice to be able to discuss this with a completely clear head and frame of mind.  And as I briefly mentioned yesterday, a somewhat more spiritual sense of where I am it in my recovery.


For me, that's a HUGE deal.


I'm try and not be so down on myself as much as I used to be... but that's a rough road.  I'm desperately trying to find a new gig, but it's incredibly hard.  I've been playing phone tag most of the day today with a new temp place, but at least all my info was there for them to see once we finally connected.  While I try and be positive it gets rough personally.  I try and remain positive on the one front, but the other temp agency that called me once again, to place me back in a job I once already proved I could perform, isn't returning my calls. 


It's not affecting my recovery... it just makes morning and evening mediation more of a challenge.  See, that's where my spiritual side presents itself.  I wouldn't have even remotely done that while I was drinking.  Sobriety has opened my eyes to that side of life.  It helps me sleep somewhat... but I'd still trade a bunch of sleepless nights for a regular paying job.


I'm a couple of days shy of a MAJOR personal celebration.  I have that to look forward to!


One Day at a Time!


I laugh every time I see this photo. 

 


  


The action of alcohol on chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy. We allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all. We cannot be reconciled to a life without alcohol, unless we can experience an entire psychic change. Once this psychic change has occurred, we who seemed doomed, we who had so many problems that we despaired of ever solving them, find ourselves able to control our desire for alcohol." Have I had a psychic change?

Can Psychology and Spirituality Exist Together?

My Monday meetings can be a mixed bag.  Sometimes they're uber-religious, sometimes they're uber-silly, and sometimes depending on the number of people attending, they can actually be uber-psychological.  Normally these two topics don't often end up in an AA meeting, but the reading actually had to do with the program being BOTH psychological AND spiritual.


Now, having spent a great deal of time in both Residential, IOP and now After Care, I certainly have a much better understanding surrounding the psychological side of my addiction.  I did have to defend these three separate programs this morning when one of the other folks wouldn't budge on the uber-religious aspect of their own sobriety.  This person chose to eliminate a particular phrase from their personal recovery and felt we (those of us who went through a hospital-type recovery and just didn't turn our entire lives completely and without further thought over to God) were wrong as a result.  The phrase I'm referring to is "A God of my own understanding, or sometimes worded, Higher Power as I understand him/it." 


I had to use the terminology from those three areas I encountered and said the infamous, "Recovery is a process, not an event.."  I also added that if along with the information I had learned in Gateway also worked in conjunction with the more spiritual side I admit to have found in current life, wouldn't that mean that they can exist together?  My fellow members who had been in a similar program sided with me that yes they could.  Then our colleague started reciting biblical rhetoric that got a few of the other uber-religious people on his side.  {SIGH.} 


It was a losing argument that early in the day, so I did the usual Closed meeting comment of, "That's all I got.  I'll keep coming back."  I didn't personally care for the overly pious smile I got out of the guy when we closed with the Lord's Prayer, but I'm getting much better at being nice to other people.


ANYHOOTS!  I will keep coming back to that meeting as it is very local and I do like the people.  Some of them I see on my Saturday meetings.  Sidenote, this was another weekday meeting where one gentleman wasn't there yet again.  If he isn't well, no one has said a word, so maybe it's none of my business or no one is aware.  Saturday ran long as usual, but it was nice to Lyn back.  Sunday was the combo Al-Anon/AA meeting.  Those are always interesting, if a tad bit wordy.  But at least there's usually a pretty full house for those!


Working on finding work still.  I did some major editing on my resume and actual writing for a pretty good cover letter if I do say so myself.  I am hopeful this will turn into something.  I found the location of the temporary agency here in Aurora that I submitted it to.  It's sort of on the way to my Tuesday meeting.  I will either call or dress slightly better and maybe show up in person?  I haven't decided yet.  I probably should burn those documents first and have them printed up so I can bring in hard copies... again... I will have to think about that first. 


One Day at a Time.


And here's a fun photo for Stef and Teggie: