Today was my first full day back home. I can't tell you what a relief and sheer joy it was to come home. The pooch went bananas, which while I didn't entirely enough... I was glad to see her. I promised her and her mom that I wouldn't do that to them ever again.
Today, Saturday, was my first meeting back out here in Aurora. This time I got to go with my neighbor, whom I didn't know was in the program. From what I could gather, it's the only meeting he attends during the week. I will definitely be going back... I just wasn't prepared for the sheer size of attendees... many of whom I knew from my personal home group. I caught what I perceived as the "stink eye" from a couple of them... and was approached by one of the elderly gentlemen that was chairing meetings before my exile.
Stef called me on the fib I told him... when I promised I wouldn't lie to them or anyone else... I guess I just wasn't ready to see so many familiar faces. I didn't think you could fit that many people into a single room like that! There had to be 40 people in the room. My neighbor introduced me to his sponsor, whom I found to be a very lovely man. As I only just that moment had met him... I wasn't about to throw myself at him asking if he had room for another person in his paddock. I intend to go back to that meeting... as I can use one on Saturdays. I've been spoiled (if you can use that word) these past thirty days or so.
Before I wander too off-topic... the general discussion was about laughter and not being so overly serious about your own personal problems. I tried locating the inspirational thought for the day, but can't quite seem to find it... maybe as it involves sponsors being mentioned, it might be in a book I do not know about, or have access to. Stef and I are supposed to go to the local library tomorrow after my Sunday meeting... I hope to find some other books that I can't currently afford.
ANYWAY... you gotta laugh... this is true. When I was drinking I was always laughing... but I related to several people commenting this morning about how that was shallow laughter... and not GENUINE laughter. Oh sure, when I was drinking and hanging out with my writing/performance pals in Chicago, I could always get a laugh. But when I say I was drinking... man, was I drinking! The fact that something I wrote brought a major portion of a room to the floor laughing so hard, and having a majorly published author telling the hostess of the event... "I can't follow that." should have been a source of joy for me... no. It was an excuse to drink some more.
My neighbor and I laughed on the way to and from the meeting. It felt good to do so clean. He asked if I had discussed "triggers" with either my home group or my counselor/therapist. I never did with the group I "thought" were my home group, but I certainly did with my counselor/therapist. I will also share that discussion when I see her again in about a week.
Yeah, you have to laugh. At yourself. At life in general. And, at the people around you. I was going to bring it up at the meeting, but as it was my first time there, and I knew a number of the people there, I held my tongue from quoting Shakespeare... "All the world's indeed a stage and we are merely players. Performers and portrayers..."
What? You think Geddy Lee and Rush came up with that on their own?!
I hemmed and hawed about announcing a month sober at tomorrow's meeting. I'm going to. I need group support and hope to find someone as a sponsor.
Wordy today, sorry... I got a decent night's sleep on a proper bed... in my home with the two females that mean the most to me in the universe. I'll try to find something to laugh about tonight. :-)
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