February 29, 2016 - Suck it up, Buttercup

I have a meeting with my therapist at noon... but I just got out of a meeting that I wanted to quickly blog about, as I didn't want to forget anything (and act as a bookmark for later)... and I also had a moment to walk the pooch.


The original title was going to be today's topic of honesty.  Ironic.  The original title was going to be, "Be Honest.  Stay Honest.  Isolation."


I'm breaking a rule by using someone's real name, but I want to go on record as stating I TOTALLY ADORE Ruth, who came up with today's blog title.  Man, I love this St. David's group!






There is more to share about the topic today, as well as commenting on a fellow member's obscure Ramones reference that only I got!  If that's not my higher speaking to me on several different levels... I don't know what is!


MORE TO FOLLOW IN A COUPLE OF HOURS...  be back shortly.




And we're back!  Over an hour to drive back home... but that's not what I'm blogging about.  This new version of Blogger should have a multiple main title headlines, because today's second title would be... "We Need to Talk."




Now, if you ever hear those words from your boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives... you KNOW that what follows is not something you want to hear.  Now, try hearing that from your therapist.




I always arrive at least ten to fifteen minutes early.  Today more so than most as I had to drive a further distance.  I get to my session and she barely had her previous patient out of the room before I got the whole "come here" figure gesture and words, "We need to talk."




I've said multiple times that I know apart from some really lovely people, my therapist also reads this blog,  Her first words out of her mouth were: 

1. WTF?  (I paraphrase there... but that was the intonation.)
2. I knew I should've phoned.
3. What's going on?

OK, look guys and gals, I'm not proud of it, but I did have some drinks this past week.  Janice and I discussed throughout most of my session, my anger issues and that's a conversation I've been ordered to have with my wife later this evening.




Really, really long story short... I can only deal with my anger issues if I can somehow learn to care for myself.  Yes, yes ... it's all fine and dandy I go to meetings... but I'm looking far too deeply into the Steps and what I can do about them.  But, I am ultimately supposed to be doing what's best for me.




I told her that I don't play that game.  My job is to take care of everyone else around me.  Apparently, that's the wrong direction I am taking.  We both discussed this at length, but I said that it's hard for me to do.  Said she, it's all well and good to concern myself with other people's feelings...but I need to do more for me... which goes far and away from what AA teaches. 




I vented about having someone I consider a substandard sponsor and was told those feelings are good.  I need to find someone that is better suited for my needs.  I'm supposed to let it go... but, said I, how do I do so without hurting someone else's feelings?!?  I was informed that I cannot and that you need to take care of yourself.




Bottom line, I'm dealing with some people that are trying to do their own best... but are having their own issues in tandem with mine. 




I'm sort of repeating myself and I apologize.




Great session.  Fantastic AA meeting.  My next session is back on a weekly basis.




AA MORNING MEETING ADDITIONAL:


I find it totally odd, yet completely appropriate that today's topic was honesty and isolation.  I heard from several other members that they too had lied to their significant others.  And while it will never take away the hurt I have caused, we all did it.  By the grace of God, or your significant other, or the Great Pumpkin, someone out there still cares for you.  We all commented on our honesty, or lack thereof.


OH!  The Ramones comment... again, as if it weren't my higher power speaking to me...


A very respectable gentleman, wearing an extremely nice suit and tie, either on his way in/or into work said, in regards to AA fellowship:  "None of you will know this... but Gabba gabba hey.  We accept you.  One of us."


I nearly did a complete spit take on that one!  I shared that with Janice, too.  She didn't know the lyric, but admitted it was a 'teaching' point.


Ruth... bless your heart!  Both for what is probably the BEST statement of 2016, but also for your enduring love for your still suffering husband (with the 'OFFICIAL' name Jimmy, BTW)... and I was utterly pleased to hold your hand at the end of today's meeting! 


Thank you, once again, Janice for a superb session today!  I will work on taking care of me starting today.  If I am so supremely fortunate, I am hopeful Stef can help me find out who that 'me' is.


MEGA SNUGGLIES AND SNOUT OUTS GUYS!  God knows I could use both right about now.