"Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs."
Yeah, well... the first part is easy. I'm a certified idiot in that realm. I hold the brass ring on the wrongs I have done. I try and correct that twice a day with my higher power...once in the morning and once at night.
Let's see... another human being... I once again poured my heart out to Janice yesterday, prior to her vacation. She was at the very least blunt in the bit about me not needing any additional "out of office" counseling. I really thought she was going to say something otherwise... but we had a really GOOD meetings, she and I... so who am I to comment further?!
So I got a little down on myself yesterday with last night's post... good song and bound to happen. That will teach me to think of myself now won't it?
I am two days shy of utter sobriety and I still feel like a sack of human excrement. OK, so maybe trying ZZZQuil... (I RECOMMEND IT!) was not a wise idea... but I can't sleep here. As it is I am curled up in a fetal position on a bed not meant for someone over six foot tall. (I am ranting... I will stop! My petty personal issues are immaterial.) My word of the month... immaterial.
Look, every AA meeting means something to me. I leave them with a little more knowledge than when I originally came in. It's just that sometimes... well... I can't put my personal problems over those who speak first. We in the group are all severely flawed... I cannot and will not take away from their pain and journey.
But why is it that when I do what my therapist suggests.. and that's "think of me"... that everything turns to the aforementioned excrement?!? I can't win... not that I'm trying to win, mind you. I'm just trying to be good. I'm being honest. I'm being as best a person as I can be....
What am I doing wrong?!?!
Hey "D" in Topeka... email me on the flipside... I could use someone else's thoughts.
SIDE NOTE:
It was oddly therapeutic to hobble home in complete silence and straight down snow! When was the last time I experienced that... oh, I don't know... NEVER! I PROMISE I will not post the lyrics to the Chili Peppers "Snow".... fantastic song, regardless.
P.S. - $1.49 BK nuggies aren't same without the $1 trillion dollar Eskie.
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